Thursday, April 24, 2008

Alive and kicking

Well, sort of. I wanted to start this entry with a picture of the Bride of Frankenstein captioned "It's alive!", but every time I try to upload a picture, I get thrown off the net. Wouldn't you know my first night back after long, long months of no Internet, I get technical problems. It's only fitting.


For any of my friends who might still stumble on this dusty, dusty little blog, I would like to apologize for being a terrible friend. Over the years, y'all have come to be friends to me, not just Internet acquaintances. Our friendship has extended to cards, letters, telephone calls, the occasional visit (I won't even try to explain the very real feelings this medium of illusion has created), and then I just disappear without a word to anyone. For that, I am truly sorry. It was exceptionally rude, and I ask your forgiveness. Well, actually, I'm counting on it, and I'm prepared to do some serious grovelling to get it.

So, where have the last few months taken me? Well, I got the job I wrote about in my last entry and have had it long enough for the honeymoon to be over. I'm basically a shop girl. I smile a lot and make people laugh while I ring up their purchases at the cash register. I've discovered the zen in folding blue jeans and the music of coat hangers scraping on a metal rack. I do my time and then go home and don't think about my job until I go in the next day. It's a nice change of pace from poring over rates and processing loans after midnight after having been selling all day. After years of self-employment or straight commission income, it's also nice to get a regular paycheck. Imagine that, working and getting paid for it. How novel.

After months of separation, the husband and I are living together again. The state of our marriage is...undecided, but at least, we're civil, sometimes almost friendly.

When blogging quit being a part of my daily life, the womanchild was homebound from school with digestive issues. Since she was basically teaching herself, we decided to home school this semester and enrolled her in a program that would provide an accredited diploma if she were to graduate from their "school.". She completed a year and a half in one semester and will graduate from high school one year early in about three more weeks. She's been accepted to three colleges so far. Right now, she's looking most seriously at doing her first year at a nearby community college because she's wavering on whether she's ready to leave home. One day, she's talking about getting an apartment, the next saying she doesn't feel she's mature enough. I'm trying to prod her to keep applying to better colleges and live on campus. Not because I want to push her from the nest, but because I want her to believe in herself, take advantage of greater opportunities and have some fun at college. She is just way too serious. (This is the hardest part of looking at my own insecurities. I modeled and taught insecurity to my child. Damn it, damn it, damn it!)

When last seen, I was also still actively losing weigh, even if I was on one of those plateaus. Since then, I've had to quit Weight Watchers for awhile, but my weight has basically remained stable. I go up a few pounds then lose a few pounds. Knowing how easily I could regain everything I lost and more keeps me clinging to the healthy habits I worked so hard to gain. It is in my plans to rejoin Weigh Watchers in the near future, but for now, I'm just trying to live healthily and keep a somewhat positive body image. My job actually makes this harder. I work in a boutique that does carry plus size clothing as an extension of its regular line, but I'm still just back in the top sizes of "plus" sizes. (I don't think they even have a name for the sizes over 24 that I used to wear.) I have to remind myself of just how far I've come to not let my current size get me down. It's all in the perspective.

The worst aspect of my life in the last few months has been an absolute creative dead spell. I've had to make myself write to keep up the habit, and sporadic journalling has been the best I've managed to do. Right now, I don't know if I'm just a blogger who writes well, a dilettante or just a big coward when it comes to my creative life. I'll write more about that later. Tonight, I'm just glad to be back here again, dusting off the cobwebs.

10 Comments:

Blogger more cows than people said...

so good to "hear" you again. you're certainly forgiven. i'm just glad to have you back.

hey... i'm moving to your state to start a ph.d. program!

more later.

April 24, 2008 9:58 PM  
Blogger Lisa :-] said...

OH MY GOD!!!! Do you have any idea how much I've missed you????

I almost swallowed my teeth when I saw you had left a comment on "Terms...!"

Welcome back, my dear friend. And please forgive ME for not being a better friend. I thought many times about writing you or sending you a card, but I just never did it. "Having a life" is no excuse. I just suck!!! :(

I hope you are back for good...!

:-]

April 24, 2008 11:23 PM  
Blogger emmapeelDallas said...

WELCOME BACK!!!!

Boy, have you been MISSED!!! But you don't have to grovel; just having you back is GREAT! You are such a good writer, and it's so good to be reading what you've written once again.

Welcome back.

:)

April 25, 2008 12:01 AM  
Blogger Theresa Williams said...

So happy to open up Bloglines and see you had posted, Cyn. I have missed you. We all have. For what it's worth, I vote on the side of university for your daughter. She would love it. It's nothing like high school. NOTHING. She will learn to fly. She will be happy. I am happy to see you back.

April 25, 2008 12:51 AM  
Blogger Solitary Dancer said...

What???? She's Alive!!!!!! Wow, I was surprised to see this post come through my reader. Good to see you back!

Deb

April 25, 2008 4:59 AM  
Blogger Judith HeartSong said...

Oh my God you're back!!! You have been missed and although life has been rolling along here, it has not been the same without you. I have wondered what adventures you were on and am glad to hear you are taking care of you. Hug that woman child for me.... tell her it's time for a GRAND adventure.... I am so proud of her and she will FLY, just like Theresa says.

The Artsy Essay is also back..... and as always you are welcome and wanted.

I am smiling just to know you are ok.

Be well my friend... love and hugs to you and yours.

judi

April 25, 2008 7:14 AM  
Blogger Virginia said...

Yeah! Cynthia is back!

Good to hear from you. I was so surprised this morning to check on your journal once again but find a new post this time.

So good to know you all are doing well.

Peace,

Virginia

April 25, 2008 7:33 AM  
Blogger Gannet Girl said...

Where did my comment go?????????????????


Well, whatever.

WELCOME BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

April 25, 2008 9:21 AM  
Anonymous Barbara said...

So very good to hear from you, Cynthia!! Sounds like your new job might be a much more relaxing way to earn an income. And I'm thrilled for your daughter! I know you are so proud of her. All the best to you and hubby as you try to sort out your relationship. Please don't disappear again.

April 28, 2008 6:34 AM  
Blogger redsneakz said...

I'm glad to see you again!! I was waiting around for technical issues to be resolved... Now, as to where I went - for a number of reasons, I took my blog private.

May 05, 2008 9:35 AM  

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