Saturday, November 10, 2007

Y'all are the best

I firmly believe that I have the best on-line friends in the entire world. Today, when I was finally able to get to the library, I found dozens of blog comments and emails expressing your concern for me. Honestly, it was all I could do to keep from crying. Though I do tend to be one of the world's appointed weepers, I don't like doing so in public. But damn y'all, you really know how to love a , and I just feel so grateful right now for all of you. I also apologize for the long silence and any worry that it has caused.

Everybody has heard that religion, politics and money are topics that simply aren't discussed in polite company. Since they tend to be among my favorite subjects, my gentility and taste are easily questionable. I've long discussed religion. I've brushed on politics... so here goes money. Circumstances have forced me to give up Internet service at home for awhile, and time has not allowed me to get to my local public library. Our small town library doesn't have the funding to be open in the evening, and my days have been rather full with job hunting and basically homeschooling the womanchild.

I left my job as a mortgage broker in August. It paid straight commission, and with the problems in the housing and credit industries, it had ceased to be an income and had become merely an expense. With the financial toll of separation ... My husband had been unemployed for, well, some time, and has only recently returned to work. So once again, I'm job hunting. I had a good job offer a few weeks ago, but the day after I received the offer, the day before I was supposed to start the job, the offer was rescinded. I have to admit it felt like getting kicked in the teeth, but I'm trusting the wisdom of God that that job was not where I needed to be.

I think I've also finally learned that my fulfillment is not meant to come from my career, even though that's what I've wanted as long as I can remember. This has been a damn hard lesson to learn. Best of all, it doesn't mean that I've given up on fulfillment. What it's actually meant is that I'm appreciating myself a whole lot more. I'm giving up some of those images of myself as a loser and a failure that have haunted me for so long. My ideas of success are changing, and I'm better for it. This is actually a thing of faith. My fulfillment is coming from my Creator in ways that are wonderful and unexpected. Some of them are inside me. Some will come to me in time.
As for the right job or the right career path, if it's meant to be, it will happen. I'm good at what I do, and either a company will appreciate that and hire me or not. In the meantime, there's nothing wrong with just taking any job I can physically handle. Who knows? This change in attitude may even free up some mental energy for better writing.

My first couple of weeks without the internet felt like serious withdrawal. My writing dropped off. I was restless and agitated. Then my energy kicked in. I started reading again. I started working The Artist's Way again. I'm just starting Week 4, the week with no reading, and I know that will be a challenge. I've cleaned a lot, thrown out a lot of junk, donated a lot of things I no longer use to our local church run thrift shop. While we still have some absolutely beautiful fall weather, I'm hoping to get my yard in good shape to rest for winter and be beautiful in spring.

If you don't read my other blog (which I will be updating after I finish here), Taking Off, I have kept up with Weight Watchers, and my weight loss is now a little over eighty pounds. I went through a serious plateau period, then a little gain, then got back on track. It feels good, and I'm now wearing the next smaller size (if it's generously cut). That's down six sizes now, and I'm feeling fantastic about this.

The womanchild's health is well, slippery. The basic problem is severe acid reflux. We know her dietary triggers now and do our best to avoid them. The biggest issue is maintaining a calm atmosphere that is as peaceful and stress free as possible. With teenage and middle aged hormones in the same home, this is a serious challenge Because of the need to minimize stress, we may convert to home schooling after the first of the year. She's shown that she has the discipline to keep up with her academics when she's at home, and getting away from high school teen drama and angst helps keep her calmer. She really wants this, her counselor thinks it's a good idea and I've agreed to it as long as she can maintain a good attitude, appropriate study habits, grades and a healthy social life.

So, my friends, since I do have limited time today, thank you again for all the love and concern you've shown. I am okay, and I will check in again as soon as possible. I love you guys.


Blogger Theresa Williams said...

You gave us all a little bit of a scare. I'm glad you and your family are okay. As for the job: I've made it no secret as to what I think you should be doing. Love to you and the womanchild.

November 10, 2007 3:13 PM  
Blogger gigi said...

Well, you've made my day, darlin'! I'm glad to hear that you and your daughter are ok; that your life continues along it's positive course, and that your strength and optimism go on. (And seriously, isn't it amazing what can be achieved when we step away from the computer...? ;)

Missed you, sister moonchild. It's good to hear your smilin' voice... :D

November 10, 2007 3:18 PM  
Blogger more cows than people said...

YAY!!!! you're back, alleluia! i'm singing a doxology at the knowledge that you're alive.

i have missed you.

i wish you every blessing as you navigate the particular challenges of this time.

November 10, 2007 4:22 PM  
Blogger Gannet Girl said...

Girl! Finally!

People kept saying that maybe your service was down, but I couldn't believe that you wouldn't have gone to the library to let us know.

Is it possible you had no idea how many people you COMPLETELY FREAKED OUT????

Not to mention you sent Lisa off on a total rant about internet friendships, and you know that that woman can rant!

I am SO grateful to know that you are both ok.

OK, Lisa: time for part 2.

November 10, 2007 5:33 PM  
Anonymous laura said...

Oh Cyn... I am all weepy just reading that you are ok... I've been so concerned!

::::FIERCE hugs and lots of love::::

November 10, 2007 6:15 PM  
Blogger Katherine E. said...

Looking forward to reading whatever you have to say, whenever you have time to post at the library! Hope the job-hunting goes well...

November 10, 2007 7:22 PM  
Blogger Donna said...

Wow, it's great to hear from you FINALLY! God bless you in your efforts.

November 10, 2007 7:33 PM  
Blogger Lisa :-] said...

I didn't rant, exactly. In fact, for me, it was pretty mild.

Don't want to make you feel bad about doing what you had to do. But you kinda scared the crap out of me... :P

Thanks for giving us the update. Soldier on, my friend! :-]

November 10, 2007 8:06 PM  
Anonymous Barbara said...

Oh, Cynthia it is ssssooooo good to hear from you!!! I am so proud of the weight loss you have accomplished!! Wow! Sounds like your head and your heart are in the right place as well. I do hope it all comes together with just the "perfect" job for you soon.

November 11, 2007 6:14 PM  
Blogger Cynnie said...

I dont always comment..but i usually always read..
I've missed you and I'm so in awe of you..
you are my hero

November 11, 2007 6:18 PM  
Blogger emmapeelDallas said...

And we love you, Cynthia! It's soooooooo good to hear from you again. The job thing will work out...

Welcome back!


November 11, 2007 8:33 PM  
Blogger Magdalene6127 said...

Ahhhh.... welcome back dear one. Do what you have to do, and know that the love and support are out here for you.

November 11, 2007 10:23 PM  
Blogger alphawoman said...

Cynthia Cynthia Cynthia!! You gave us all quite a scare! Pls. e-mail me your home address (if you feel ok with it) so the next time I can drop you a card to check up on you!!!

November 13, 2007 10:48 AM  
Blogger Jod{i} said...

Oh good! I was worried...I am glad you updated...

November 17, 2007 7:20 AM  

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