Sunday, September 03, 2006

A big old vent

Since my ability to write seems to be on vacation, this blog may temporarily become my place to vent. With the mood I'm in now, its more along the lines of "Thar she blows!" So, to keep the self-pity to minimum, I'm just going to list what has turned my day around from awe-filled and grateful to hurt and angry.

The husband has once again shown his selfishness and thoughtlessness. It's just a little action. I fixed a pizza for the two of us. I am trying to be nice. We haven't had a meal together in a month. I had to leave in the middle of my first serving to pick up the womanchild and a friend. When I get back, all of the pizza, even the half piece left on my plate, is gone. There went my big meal for the day. Like I said, it's just a little thing, but it's the thought, or rather the lack of thought, behind the action that counts.

The womanchild has been promising to help me with the major job of scrubbing our floors. Our house is wood flooring in every room. Over the last year, I've lost count of how many animals we've had. With kittens alone, it's been over 30. So, keeping our floor de-furred and mopped is a daily chore, and a good, detailed scrubbing about once a month is a necessity. Since health issues have forced us to get rid of the cats, I thought my house might actually get really clean, but no help has been forthcoming. I'm trying bit by bit to de-stain everything and get the scrubbing done. In short, I'm working my rear end off at unpleasant, difficult jobs, and I'm beginning to see progress despite the lack of help. Despite this, I get told that our home is embarrassing. Damn it, I'm not happy with it either, but it's not exactly all my fault, and once again, I have to take the crap. I know it's a teen thing to be embarrassed by everything about your family, but still, the timing is terrible, and it feeds all the negativity I picked up from my family who were all disappointed that I never met their level of affluence.

The air conditioning is still acting up. I'm just grateful the weather has cooled off, but scrubbing floors is still hot, sweaty work.

My phone line has gone bananas. The computer, on a DSL telephone connection is fine, but the land line won't work.

My latest project at work, the one I was actually expecting to close this week, developed a glitch and I hear about it today. There goes the pleasure of a holiday weekend, thinking I'd done what I could before my time off.

You know, it's time I caught a break. I think that I deserve things to go right for awhile, and I think I deserve more respect and kindness from my family. I told them so quite directly today, but I still don't know if they're too thickheaded to get it. I've had and am still having to learn a lot of lessons the hard way, and it's time I quit protecting them from that unpleasant reality when that protection is at my expense.

Part of my quest for balance has been to work on gratitude and a positive attitude, but that doesn't mean I have to deny reality. I believe in my power to change things. I believe in accepting what I can't change. None of that means that I can't insist on the people in my life, who allegedly care for me, making some changes themselves.


Blogger IndigoSunMoon said...

Oh I ever know what you mean about not being appreciated. It just sucks.
You should go on strike!!!
Love ya,

September 03, 2006 8:13 PM  
Blogger Shelina said...

I hear you Cynthia. So many people are used to me being the "bigger person" and accepting their treatment that they get shocked when I just won't do it anymore. Sometimes it is somebody else's turn to be the bigger person, especially if they are the ones who caused the problems in the first place.

September 03, 2006 8:32 PM  
Blogger Becky said...

Your housekeeping woes struck a cord with me. I've got hypercritical in-laws and have had comments about my housekeeping skills come trickling back to me. They have been ignorant of the reasons why I have a hard time keeping my house up and keeping ahead of the pet mess. But even with my recent confession post, I doubt I'll ever get any sympathy or understanding. You work! And you are not the only person who lives in that house. It's not unreasonable for you to want a little help. I hope you get a break soon.

September 04, 2006 7:37 PM  

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