Thursday, May 26, 2011

After the storm

One o'clock in the morning, and I'm sitting here yawning. While usually uncomfortable, tonight, this just feels right. I'm in that lovely in-between phase, gently tired enough to welcome sleep when it comes but mentally mobile. My mind feels limber and supple in contrast to the stiffness in my feet and knees. It's a pleasure to feel free of the late night worries that too often accompany this hour.

Part of this is relief that the latest storm seems to have passed, and my home and I are still intact. I fret more about tornadoes than in the past. When the winds are up, I can't release a tension that's a mixture of attentiveness and helplessness. With a funnel cloud on the horizon, I become grumpily fatalistic. If it's going to get me, there's nothing I can do, but I don't have to accept it cheerfully. That agitation settles under my skin as I debate between hallway and bath as my best refuge and look ruefully at the old pin oaks lashing about in my front yard.

The winds did settle though, and despite the occasional thunder rumble, the general quiet of the night is a balm. I feel peaceful and hopeful. Tonight, a future different from this dreary and rather grim existence of mine feels like a reality that's just a few steps away.

2 Comments:

Blogger Lisa :-] said...

I know there's a whole lot more to this post than just the worries about the weather...

But I got to the point, when we lived in Illinois, that I was utterly paranoid about tornadoes. And lightning. We don't have a lot of that kind of thing here, and I don't miss it one little bit.

I just hate that you are having to be alone and deal with those worries. Maybe I should come visit and we could hide in the bathroom together... :)

May 26, 2011 2:16 AM  
Blogger Virginia said...

Every time I hear of bad weather in TN I worry about you. I am glad you made through the latest storms ok.

May 27, 2011 9:55 AM  

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