Hello again

I tried to write an entry earlier today and deleted it. It's not easy to resume this after months of blogging absence. That leaves the question on the table of why I was absent. I've loved my little blog over all these years. I love the friendships, ethereal as they are, that I've made through blogging. So, if I love something, why did I ignore it?

I could go into a long explanation, but the short version is that I felt terrible. Terrible -- emotionally, mentally, spiritually and physically. Big surprise, I know. It seems that most of what I've written over the years has been about dealing with how terrible I felt. The difference is that I haven't been dealing with it. I nearly let it suck me under, and I wouldn't, couldn't put that out in a public venue.

I've spent too much time crying in shame, bitterness, resentment, pain and fear. The countless mistakes I've made in life have played in a countless loop in my head. I've felt weak and powerless to such a degree that it made me question everything I thought I knew about myself.
It's been more than just another bout of depression, and I couldn't see a way out.

It actually helped when I found out that some health issues were contributing to the miasma I was in. You can deal with something physical, and I am, slowly. Once you begin managing one issue, it's easier to believe that you can manage others.

How much I have to manage intimidates me, but I'm working on things a little bit of a time. It's enough to get me through a day and enough to get me back to my blog.