Fatigue

I've been sitting here for awhile now, and I've hit the delete key more than any other key on this board. I want to say something, but just what I want to say hasn't quite shaped itself into anything comprehensible yet. There is hope in that last word. I'm counting on having something to say again one day. It's an article of faith.

So, in lieu of trying to pin down these inchoate thoughts, I'll simply say I'm tired. That seems to be my primary modus operandi lately. I get up, make extra strong coffee, take my vitamins, extra B12, extra iron because I've been anemic, and ginseng. I'll fix breakfast, and by the time I finish my meal, I'm worn out again. My steps are slow, and after even fifteen minutes of a chore like yard work or mopping, I want to rest. I feel old, and worse, I feel lazy because I'm not getting done what I feel like I should be able to accomplish.

I don't like this, so, I'm trying to readjust. First, I try to give myself credit for what I do get done. I've lost count of how many times I've said, "It doesn't have to be perfect, just show some progress." That helps for a few minutes. I'm trying to do what it takes to build more energy, a balanced diet, the aforementioned vitamins and supplements, and some exercise that won't put to the point of collapse. I'm also asking myself if this is what I need to expect at my age and weight. Even a big dreamer knows that realistic expectations have some benefits.

Now, this dreamer is going to fix a cup of chamomile tea and try to get a decent night's rest. That isn't a very realistic expectation, but I simply have to try.