Friday, September 15, 2006

Seeing the need

This freaking insomnia has got to stop. I'm going through my days like a zombie, and I'm not even alert enough to watch out for things aiming at my head. This afternoon, after catching myself dozing on the road, I went home and took a nap. Getting off the road was smart. Taking the nap wasn't. My responsibilities hit in the day, and I'm falling down on them now. I can't exactly call a business contact at 2:00 a.m. when I'm wide awake, and yawning in the middle of a professional conversation during normal business hours just doesn't make the best impression.

The last thing I need to do is shift my body clock to a night schedule. My circadian rhythm is delicate at best. It's thrown off so easily by light or temperature. A night light can wake me. Getting too warm means my night is shot. Several nights in a row of being awake at the wrong time can take weeks for my body to get comfortable again in the schedule I need to have.

I never cease to be amazed by the human body, so intricate, so delicate and so tough all at the same time. Each of us is a walking miracle. I've definitely short shrifted my body over the years, neither giving it the care nor the respect it has deserved. My mind wanted a divorce from my body years before I recognized the disconnect. Working to get the two on speaking terms took more years. Though I can't say my mind and body are the best of friends, they now each respect the impact they have on each other.

I've known too many people for whom the body was paramount. Their lives revolved around its appearance, discipline, care and maintenance. Some of these people I've though vacuous and superficial, others obsessed, and some just fully utilizing the talents they were given. Some have seen it as a religious responsibility to tend the temple of the Holy Spirit, and some just the temple of themselves. I've often felt that too many neglected their mental, emotional and spiritual development in the process of creating the body they wanted. It took me awhile to get the log out of my eye to recognize the mirror imbalance in my own life.

Though the care and tending of my physical needs has gotten better over the years, each new lesson about how my body affects my mind and spirit is giving me "a-ha" moments. These are wonderful little motivators to keep on with the healthy living goal in my life. They're also among the easiest challenges in my life to tackle because they're concrete. I don't have to guess about what to do. It's much easier to go for a walk or buy plums and berries instead of chips than it is to discard old destructive thought patterns. It's also a lot easier to give myself credit for a healthily stocked fridge than it is for smiling and facing the day when my insecurities are high.

Recognizing these physical needs, I'm going to turn off the lights, turn on a fan and make myself stay in bed. Even if I don't sleep and have to endure another day as the walking dead, it's the right step to getting my rhythm back again.


Blogger IndigoSunMoon said...

Last night was the first night in I can't tell you how long that I slept decent. I did get up a few times to go to the bathroom, but was able to go right back to sleep. I was up at 7am feeling pretty decent! I hope your insomnia gets better and soon Cynthia. I know how it feels to be the walking dead.

September 15, 2006 8:10 AM  
Blogger Jod{i} said...

Transitions of any kind weigh havy...and the season is giving many a heck of a time..I hope it will move along for you soon and that step feeld right! Sending you warm thoughts to carry you through!

September 16, 2006 7:34 AM  

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