Wednesday, July 19, 2006

Getting going

Sometimes I just hate the truth of proverbs. Right now the one that's annoying me the most is "When the going gets tough, the tough get going." I know that underneath my soft spoken, demure demeanor and lack of physical strength, I'm basically a tough bitch.

I've been told more than once that when I choose to deliver a bitchy comment to someone I feel deserves it that my words linger with them longer than most insults do. I know just how mean I can be. I've both broken a bone of an assailant and endured a broken bone in an assault, so I know I've got the not afraid to fight thing. I've angered a former disgruntled client so badly that I had to obtain a court order to manage his stalking. I held to the rightness of my position and wouldn't back down despite his attempts to intimidate me. When the ex-husband of another former client was trying to physically intimidate my former employer, I intervened and basically chased the nutjob from our office. (Sometimes I do think I'm a magnet for the off-balance people in this world.) Collecting my fees from people who decided the services they contracted from me didn't have to be paid was part of my job for years. I'm loving, supportive and nurturing but will deliver a hard truth to my friends and family if I feel that harshness is what they need. Generally I just keep my mouth shut until I can get away from the stupidity of fools, but if avoiding the stupidity isn't possible, I will speak up. Managing depression has also shown me that I have the toughness of endurance.

The catch is that sometimes I just don't want to be tough, and that's where I am now. I need those subterranean steel reserves now though, and I need to combine them with a good dose of charm and sparkle. It would be so easy to just give up and surrender to the isolation which beckons me, but that's not going to happen. I would be facing significant, tangible losses if I did, and I'm not going to let that happen. I have to choose between giving up what my spirit craves now and what I refuse to give up for the benefit of my family, and that just sucks.

Oh well, I know what I have to do. I don't have to enjoy it, but I do have to get through it. Thank goodness I can at least bitch about it.


Blogger Shelina said...

Yep, been there. I too have had lots of times when I just wanted to give up and wish the problem away, but knew that I had to make the effort. Stand up and say it over and over again until the other person(s) finally gets the message enough to actually adhere to it.

July 19, 2006 8:56 AM  
Blogger Lisa :-] said...

This entry spoke to me. You don't know how much I'm needing some of the skills you have right now. Would you like to move to Oregon and come to work for me? You could be my "employee liason..."

I'm sad that you're facing one of those "lose/lose" choices. Those always suck.

July 23, 2006 6:48 PM  
Blogger emmapeelDallas said...

Like Lisa, this entry really spoke to me. I know a lot about being the tough one, the one that "can take it", and what a lonely, hard thing that often is. And I know about feeling like a magnet for the off-balance people of the world. Hang in there, and bitch here when you need to.


July 24, 2006 8:35 PM  

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