Tuesday, March 07, 2006

Keeping the old

Very few things feel as good as restoring an injured relationship. I have an old and dear friend with whom I've often and occasionally bitterly disagreed over the last few years. We're close enough to let our words injure each other. We have some connection we just don't understand and treasure this relationship even when we're fuming and wondering why we bother. We've had more rocky times than good times over the last couple of years, but we both know that we understand things about each other that other people just don't see.

That's why I treasure our good times so. When we connect like we did this last weekend, my optimism surges. We both saw that each other had grown a lot. We were able to brush off the differences and reclaim the good part of our history. We were able to see how each other might have been right a few times when we were disagreeing. I was even able to gloss over just how wrong she was on a few points that are still a bit tender.

There are times I've wondered why I've held onto this friendship. It's all too easy to let friends drift away with the changing tides of our life. I think I've learned that important relationships don't have to always harmonize or provide the warm, nurturing haven I associate with most of my friendships. Just as I grow from internal conflict with myself, external conflict can provide me the opportunity to see myself with greater objectivity, gain insight and grow in a different way. It's a tricky balancing act to do this though. I can't be defensive, and I have to be absolutely assured about when I'm right. In a sense I feel like I've created a rigid, but permeable boundary. If she's smart enough to get through, she deserves to be here.

It doesn't hurt that she makes me giggle like a little girl.


Blogger TJ said...

I find this amazing, forgiveness.
I struggle with this.
I seem to let things go, after I let them go so far that it is impossible to pull anything back.
I think I have much to learn in the area of forgiveness....good entry.

March 07, 2006 6:25 AM  
Blogger Lisa :-] said...

I have this exact relationship with my sisters. Maybe that's why I don't have any friends... :)

March 07, 2006 11:35 AM  
Blogger Tammy said...

I'm glad you have a giggle friend :) Forgiveness is freedom.

March 07, 2006 3:08 PM  
Blogger IndigoSunMoon said...

I have a friend that she and I have had some major fights. Some awful ones. One time I swore the friendship was over...that I never wanted to speak to her again. But, after a few weeks of cooling off, she approached me, apologized and of course I forgave her.
I'm glad I did. She's one of the best friends I've ever had.
Love ya,

March 07, 2006 11:46 PM  

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