Confrontation

I'm a confrontation weenie. I hate it. I know this springs in part from my people pleasing drive, my training to be a good girl in the submissive woman Southern Baptist mold, being the youngest and the only introvert in my family of origin who basically just had to go along with what everybody else wanted while rebelling against being controlled by anyone else's agenda, and coming from a family of hot tempered women. I also don't like trying to control other people. Knowing that I don't like it, how could I force it upon anyone else? I've looked at this issue in some depth because it's something I've wanted to change. Sometimes confrontation is necessary. Without it, it's too easy to turn into a doormat, and that's never been one of my ambitions.

That's why I'm feeling a bit proud tonight. I've handled two difficult confrontations in the last week. One involved basically saying that a business deal is off if it's not done this way, because this way is right. It meant a potential loss of both current income and future business, but I stuck politely to my guns and just said no. It sounds so simple, but it was a real step for me. I didn't look for the compromise, I took a real risk, and it worked. The other has been engaging in a dialogue with a person in my life that I love but who basically intimidates me sometimes. I don't know how it's going to work out, but I've spoken my mind without losing my cool, overexplaining or getting overly emotional. I don't know how this will resolve itself, but I can still look at my own behavior and know that I've handled myself well

My to do list for tomorrow is very long. I've got so many details to attend that they can't be listed, and I'll just need to dive in and take care of them until I see can see some light. The laundry is still spilling onto the bedroom floor, and the sink is full of dirty dishes. I haven't given a thought to what I'll do for Valentine's Day for the husband and womanchild, but I'll handle that sometime tomorrow. Some things might be a mess, but I can honestly say that handling these confrontations well has shown me that I really have grown. It's been more than dreaming and words on the page. That's a good thought to carry with me as I head off to bed and sleep.

confrontation