Tuesday, February 14, 2006

Confrontation

I'm a confrontation weenie. I hate it. I know this springs in part from my people pleasing drive, my training to be a good girl in the submissive woman Southern Baptist mold, being the youngest and the only introvert in my family of origin who basically just had to go along with what everybody else wanted while rebelling against being controlled by anyone else's agenda, and coming from a family of hot tempered women. I also don't like trying to control other people. Knowing that I don't like it, how could I force it upon anyone else? I've looked at this issue in some depth because it's something I've wanted to change. Sometimes confrontation is necessary. Without it, it's too easy to turn into a doormat, and that's never been one of my ambitions.

That's why I'm feeling a bit proud tonight. I've handled two difficult confrontations in the last week. One involved basically saying that a business deal is off if it's not done this way, because this way is right. It meant a potential loss of both current income and future business, but I stuck politely to my guns and just said no. It sounds so simple, but it was a real step for me. I didn't look for the compromise, I took a real risk, and it worked. The other has been engaging in a dialogue with a person in my life that I love but who basically intimidates me sometimes. I don't know how it's going to work out, but I've spoken my mind without losing my cool, overexplaining or getting overly emotional. I don't know how this will resolve itself, but I can still look at my own behavior and know that I've handled myself well

My to do list for tomorrow is very long. I've got so many details to attend that they can't be listed, and I'll just need to dive in and take care of them until I see can see some light. The laundry is still spilling onto the bedroom floor, and the sink is full of dirty dishes. I haven't given a thought to what I'll do for Valentine's Day for the husband and womanchild, but I'll handle that sometime tomorrow. Some things might be a mess, but I can honestly say that handling these confrontations well has shown me that I really have grown. It's been more than dreaming and words on the page. That's a good thought to carry with me as I head off to bed and sleep.

7 Comments:

Blogger Lisa :-] said...

Good for you, Cyn!

February 14, 2006 10:08 AM  
Blogger Gannet Girl said...

Confrontation is less and less something I want to contend with. I think I'm unconsciously arranging my life so that I can avoid it, and I feel just fine about that.

February 14, 2006 6:18 PM  
Anonymous Anne/ksquester said...

I got two pieces of sage advise when I was younger by my mentor. She said: Keep is short and get it honest. If a question offends you, ask we they would ask that? You become a much stonger person with the simple honest business practices in your life. Anne/ksquester

February 16, 2006 12:42 AM  
Blogger Tammy said...

"The other has been engaging in a dialogue with a person in my life that I love but who basically intimidates me sometimes. I don't know how it's going to work out, but I've spoken my mind without losing my cool, overexplaining or getting overly emotional. I don't know how this will resolve itself, but I can still look at my own behavior and know that I've handled myself well"

I'm right there with you and feel my integrity shinning through even though I may loose them. Good for you from a fellow "confrontation weenie." LOL

February 16, 2006 12:27 PM  
Blogger Nelle said...

I value honesty in myself and in other people more than most other traits. I have found that although I hate confrontation, I can be assertive (NOT aggressive) and feel much better that letting something go that will eat away at me for days.

February 16, 2006 6:32 PM  
Blogger V said...

Cyn, good work!
V

February 17, 2006 5:40 AM  
Blogger sunflowerkat said...

I'm confrontation adverse too. I know what a challenge it is to assert yourself. Way to go!!!

February 19, 2006 1:35 PM  

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