Pre-dawn epiphany

It's 4:34 a.m., and I just stepped out of the shower. I don't know if this heralds the end or the beginning of the day. Whether I'll drift off to sleep with my body as clean, pure and well tended as my soul should be or I've merely braced myself for what lies ahead is still up in the air. It may sound peculiar, this moment is palpably enjoyable. I have something to look forward to whatever happens. Sleep means a rabbit hole world of symbolism and magic. The day to come holds activities and people I'll enjoy.

I know this is sleep deprivation because I'm almost giddy, but anticipation is a wonderful thing. That I have things to anticipate is possibly the biggest and definitely the most positive change in my life lately. I know things are actually going to happen. I can count on them. I've worked to make things happen. Granted, they're little things, but accomplishing little things is restoring my confidence in my ability to achieve bigger things.

I want to remember this feeling when I haven't been up for over 40 hours -- to hold onto this moment when regardless of what might happen, I know it's going to be good. It's almost worth going without the sleep.