Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Deep sigh

This morning I accepted a job offer. Tomorrow I'll complete my employment paperwork, and I'll start next week. I cannot tell you how relieved I am. It's just another retail job, but I don't care.

On my bad days in the last few months, I've felt like a worthless bum. I've looked around and all I could see were the losses. Family illnesses and working as a mortgage broker during the housing crisis pretty much eliminated my savings. My health took a downturn when I was emotionally near the most vulnerable I've ever been. Then enforced isolation followed. The failures and disappointments overwhelmed everything I saw, and I've been really doubting my ability to improve things.

It has taken more willpower than getting through college required to go out and present a charming, capable presence to employers. It took more willpower than this years long diet has taken. It took nearly as much willpower as it took to keep me going when the womanchild was hospitalized for bulimia and depression. Most of the time, it has felt like I was just courting rejection.

So, tonight, I feel very relieved and proud of myself for keeping at it. It really was very hard, even though it didn't look that way.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Interviewing for a job under the BEST of circumstances is difficult.

They should really hand out hazard pay for interviewing under the rest of the circumstances.

Good luck, C.

November 18, 2008 10:27 PM  
Blogger Lisa :-] said...

As I have often said, I would rather walk over burning coals than look for a job. I did that for ten years. Ten years. It's the chief reason I have my own business. Really. I haven't made a dime on that damn restaurant yet, but it's been worth it just to not have to apply for jobs for the past 2 1/2 years.

I am proud of you for staying on task and doing what you had to do. And wishing you the best of luck in the job!

November 18, 2008 11:03 PM  
Blogger IndigoSunMoon said...

One day at a time dear Cynthia. Your gonna make it honey. Brighter days are ahead for you.
Love you dahlin,

November 19, 2008 3:43 PM  
Blogger Songbird said...

I'm so proud of you!

November 19, 2008 6:07 PM  
Blogger Nelle said...

I am so happy and relieved for you. I am an account manager now but for years I worked retail and that experience has opened many doors for me. I hope and pray that this job will be something who will bring you satisfaction. You are in my daily thoughts and prayers.

November 19, 2008 7:01 PM  
Blogger sunflowerkat321 said...

I'm very happy for you and I can imagine how relieved you must be. I haven't looked for a job in years. I'm toying with starting to look for a small part time gig teaching aquatics. It's really a nothing, but I dread making the contacts.

I think we rarely feel as vulnerable as we do when we're trying to impress a potential employer.

November 19, 2008 9:16 PM  
Blogger Virginia said...


Peace, Virginia

November 19, 2008 9:28 PM  
Blogger Barbara said...

I've known all along you'd make it dear, with a little help from above. ;o)

November 22, 2008 9:45 PM  

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