Sunday, November 09, 2008

Perspective

The last few days have held exceptional challenges which I will not discuss. I've been faced with my limits, forced to move past the feeling of powerlessness that has gripped me for months, been rewarded, helped and comforted by deep, profound friendship, rediscovered the sense of being listened to in prayer and got phase one of a tangible problem solved. In the altered state brought on by days of sleeplessness, I can see the good and large implications of some of the things that have happened. I guess that is my moment of grace in the middle of a big mess. Mainly, though, I'm seeing the details and steps of things I must do in the coming days and how I can pick up some of the balls that I've dropped. It might be fatigue, but for once, this mental list isn't accompanied by a sense of panic.

I'm sitting here with a white kitten lying on my black turtleneck covered bosom. Her paws are doing the mommy flex. I don't care about the hair that will be left on my shirt or the little red marks her claws are surely leaving on my breast. Her purr though is vibrating through my skin. Otherwise, she is so peaceful and calm, and I feel it sinking into me. I'm sipping hot chocolate made from real milk, Ghirardelli ground chocolate and brown sugar. I'm wearing my favorite PJs and comfy slippers. If I keep my focus right here on this still and quiet moment, I know that all is well, and all will be well, and all matter of things will be well. Tonight's discipline is not to reach out to understand, but to pull in and renew.

Problems must be solved, but there is nothing more I can do right now. Tonight, I will regain some strength that I will exercise tomorrow. Tomorrow, there are errands and chores to be done and an interview for a job I might actually enjoy. At least now, I have some of the tools these responsibilities demand. I'll make the effort to appreciate that instead of worrying about what I lack. I believe those needs will be met as well.

6 Comments:

Blogger Gannet Girl said...

My daughter has told me to get a cat. She is right, of course.

I hope the job interview goes really, really well.

Cyn, I think of you every day, with the hope that your healing is inching forward rather than backward. May this be an entire forward kind of day.

November 10, 2008 6:49 AM  
Blogger Sarah S-D said...

(((((cyn)))))

sounds like grace did break through this weekend- not least of all in a kitten and hot chocolate.

sending you much love.

November 10, 2008 8:02 AM  
Blogger Songbird said...

It was a cat who kept me going at the darkest time in my life. Bless that kitten, and bless you.

November 10, 2008 8:31 AM  
Blogger Indigo said...

I have 4 of those creature comforts in my home, add in Pickles my working dog...they don't allow much time for serious depression to set in. I know in the nights following the panic of realizing the last of my hearing was gone..it was my youngest cat, Feather who curled up to me, so tiny, so precious and that vibrating was so immense...It made me realize even in the midst of the silence, there was a roar.

The same is for you in your life even in the midst of the chaos, is the gentle soothing silence. Be well dear friend. (Hugs)Indigo

November 10, 2008 7:23 PM  
Blogger Lisa :-] said...

This was good to read. I know the sense of hope and peace comes and goes these days...here's hoping it is more often present than not.

November 11, 2008 12:04 AM  
Blogger Judith HeartSong said...

sometimes that small moment of peace and being in the moment is the only thing that gets us through. Hang in and hang on and know that you and The Woman Child are loved.

November 11, 2008 8:38 AM  

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