The big exhale of relief

I can feel good about today. I rose early, made a plan for the day, did my morning pages, read my Bible, spent some time in prayer, worked diligently at my job, got the daughter to her two appointments, haven't snapped at anyone, blithely ignored the dishes that are beginning to dominate the kitchen counters, visited the mother-in-law who's now pushed herself too hard since getting out of the hospital, fed the animals, commanded the womanchild to handle litterbox duty, did a load of laundry, cleaned one bathroom, and even got a little pleasure reading in. There are a few things I didn't get done today, but I'll get to them tomorrow morning. The best thing of all is that I'm not absolutely dragging by now. Either the Celexa is working, or Coca-Cola put cocaine back into its secret formula. Heck, if this holds out for another hour, I may even have painted toenails tomorrow.

It feels good to feel human again. Maybe tomorrow, I can even fit some exercise in. On the drive home tonight, I saw so many people out walking and running. There were sweating, buff bodies charging along, women in cute layered tank tops and shorts making time to their iPods, older couples casually strolling and one woman who really gave me hope. She was large, red in the face, breathing hard and dripping wet. I saw her arrive at her front lawn where she just collapsed. Her kids jumped up and down and cheered. She sat up, smiled and gave a thumbs up. Exercise may be fun for some, but it's damn hard work for me, and it was for her. In this era of obesity and fitness Nazis, grunting your way through exercise just isn't proper. There's too damn much pressure to make exercise look the time of your life. It never will be for me, and if I can remember that a lot of other people have to really work their way through it and look like garbage while doing it as well, it's easier for me to tackle. That may seem an odd way to motivate myself, but it works for me.

It's time to synch the Palm with the computer, update the day's contact list, take off the makeup and try to wind down the brain enough to go sleep at a decent hour. I have a ton of things to worry about, but I'll handle them as necessary. I'll stumble my way through it, make a ton of mistakes, probably panic a time or two, and I'll get through them. Knowing that I can do that is the difference that I need.

exercise
depression recovery