Working the ups and downs

I've been working at my new job for roughly seven weeks. My first two were spent doing little besides paperwork and training. There were three weeks that included holidays which seriously minimized my primary responsibility of sales. That has left two full work weeks where people were really focused on business. In that time, I've generated five different projects which was pretty good. Two withered almost immediately because of factors outside of both my and the other party's control. One is still in the early stages of development. Yesterday morning, I thought that my other two were just about wrapped up. By the end of the day, it looked like both had fallen through. Needless to say I was a bit discouraged and a good chunk of my time today was spent trying to prevent that. I came home tonight knowing that I had done what I could and that it was no longer in my control.

Less than thirty minutes ago, I got a couple of phone calls and it now looks like both are back on again. I should be able to finalize the first by the middle of next week and the other with only a slight delay. I can't even begin to describe how quietly good this feels.

Working commission only sales is a little scary. Expenses come on a regular basis even when the income doesn't. When I had my own business, I got used to irregular income. I started my business because my life demands at the time meant that I couldn't make a commitment to a regular job, and I still wanted and needed to work. Work was a respite from caregiving, where regardless of what I did or could do, things only got worse due to the nature of the illness. Work kept my brain alive. Despite the tremendous value of caring for people I loved, there were times I felt like my whole life consisted of nothing but cooking, cleaning and doctor's appointments. Work helped me feel like a whole person, and the irregularity of my income was just part of the cost to me of being able to take care of my family members during their illnesses.

Now, I'm a full time employee again. I may still make my morning business phone calls from my home office in the comfort of my jammies, but I will be out the door in hose and heels with my 20 year old Etienne Aigner business tote slung over my shoulder every day. People expect things from me, and part of who I am is that I will bust my butt to live up to expectations. There's also that tricky little issue that a full time job should generate a full time income, and I really didn't want to see that essential benefit from the last weeks disappear, especially since the last project from my former business has now been paid in full.

Tonight's phone calls have eased my mind and boosted my confidence. I have tomorrow's sales visits planned and mapped for the best gas mileage. My phone call list is tucked inside the organizer which got re-organized tonight during My Name Is Earl. My outfit for tomorrow has been selected and is hanging on the back of my bathroom door. I managed to have some personal time today, and now I can go peacefully to bed feeling that the Serenity Prayer may be a sales rep's best friend.