A pleasant fatigue

Most of my work days are spent on the road, but once a week I spend a day in the office doing my own clerical work and the followup that's best done with company supplies and tools. Today was that day, and I finally realized that I have learned a thing or two about my new field. Changing career fields in the middle age years is a challenge. Granted, I'm using the sales and customer service skills I've spent a lifetime accruing, but the technical knowledge I have to acquire is vast. Today, I realized that a few things are falling into place. I love learning, and it really doesn't matter what the field is. New knowledge is just exciting to me. It keeps me motivated to go and do more.

I've known the young woman who is doing part of my training since she was ten years old and I was already a not-so-young mother of an infant. Seeing her grow up and become the beautiful, intelligent professional woman she's become has been such a pleasure. Today we talked about the kids we'd seen at a Christmas party and how they've grown. She told that me that realizing my womanchild is in high school made her feel old. I just had to laugh and tell her wait until you realize the friends you had in high school and college are grandmothers. That still doesn't feel possible to me, despite knowing the reality. It struck me the other day that I'm older than my mother-in-law was when I first met her. A beautiful woman with non-stop energy, she still looked ready to be a grandmother then, and I have to wonder if I do as well. That just doesn't jibe with that internal image of myself.

At the end of a day like today, when my body is weary, my brain wants nothing more challenging than Project Runway reruns and I can look at the disaster my house has become and say it will wait until tomorrow, I know it's time to change that image. Part of me says that can wait as well, and tonight I'll just enjoy the ease of my comfy chair as a little luxury and not the need of aging bones and flesh. My inner dialogue can still allow the "lecturer" to address me as kid and recognize that all young things need their naps to keep from getting too wound up.

A little self-delusion can be a very good thing.