Wednesday, December 28, 2005

A pleasant fatigue

Most of my work days are spent on the road, but once a week I spend a day in the office doing my own clerical work and the followup that's best done with company supplies and tools. Today was that day, and I finally realized that I have learned a thing or two about my new field. Changing career fields in the middle age years is a challenge. Granted, I'm using the sales and customer service skills I've spent a lifetime accruing, but the technical knowledge I have to acquire is vast. Today, I realized that a few things are falling into place. I love learning, and it really doesn't matter what the field is. New knowledge is just exciting to me. It keeps me motivated to go and do more.

I've known the young woman who is doing part of my training since she was ten years old and I was already a not-so-young mother of an infant. Seeing her grow up and become the beautiful, intelligent professional woman she's become has been such a pleasure. Today we talked about the kids we'd seen at a Christmas party and how they've grown. She told that me that realizing my womanchild is in high school made her feel old. I just had to laugh and tell her wait until you realize the friends you had in high school and college are grandmothers. That still doesn't feel possible to me, despite knowing the reality. It struck me the other day that I'm older than my mother-in-law was when I first met her. A beautiful woman with non-stop energy, she still looked ready to be a grandmother then, and I have to wonder if I do as well. That just doesn't jibe with that internal image of myself.

At the end of a day like today, when my body is weary, my brain wants nothing more challenging than Project Runway reruns and I can look at the disaster my house has become and say it will wait until tomorrow, I know it's time to change that image. Part of me says that can wait as well, and tonight I'll just enjoy the ease of my comfy chair as a little luxury and not the need of aging bones and flesh. My inner dialogue can still allow the "lecturer" to address me as kid and recognize that all young things need their naps to keep from getting too wound up.

A little self-delusion can be a very good thing.

7 Comments:

Blogger Sie said...

Move over girl. I'm right there with you with my feet up in a comfy chair. And we're not half as delusional as some of those designer wannabes.

December 28, 2005 10:15 PM  
Blogger Lisa :-] said...

If memory serves, you were just bragging about being carded for alcohol, were you not? So I guess you don't have to worry too much about looking your age. Yet.

December 28, 2005 11:35 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Don't get too comfy. You've been TAGGED!
http://journals.aol.com/paulajlambert/PaulaLambert-Author

December 29, 2005 1:35 AM  
Blogger V said...

Aw, beautifully written.
Thanks,
V

December 29, 2005 12:12 PM  
Blogger sunflowerkat said...

It's funny where we find the subtle reminders of aging. I really try to ignore them, but sometimes they just slap us right in the face. It's not easy to be graceful about it. I wonder if that ever changes.

December 29, 2005 1:58 PM  
Blogger Wenda said...

I often think it is my not having had children that keeps me out of touch with how grandmotherly (and even greatgrandmotherly)in age I have become, but any excuse works on a good day.

December 29, 2005 7:23 PM  
Blogger ckays1967 said...

I love this!!!!

And the last line is perfect.

December 29, 2005 9:14 PM  

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