Finding what I need
So I've been feeling betrayed by the dog and rejected by people. I had the chance to go to a party this evening, but I ended up not being able to go. I'm finally ready to see and be with people again, and stuff keeps getting in the way. Then my computer started acting up. All of this let fear out of Pandora's box, and I just fell into a big, old nasty swamp of negative emotions. Unfortunately, I let them spill onto someone I really care for.
I get really sick of myself when I get like this. Since mine is the only company I really have right now, that simply won't do. I started to write another dreary, self pitying POS but made myself stop. I opened my window, and the night air was and still is soft. I can hear tree frogs, insects and an owl. The scent of grass and pollen is on the air, and it's beautiful, even if it will stuff my nose if I keep the window open much longer. My kitchen is clean for the first time since Sunday night. The womanchild brought a friend over for a few minutes this evening, a beautiful young woman I've watched grow up. She borrowed luggage and a couple of hats for a trip to a Gay Pride festival. As she tried on the beach hats that embarass my daughter so much, she told me it felt like playing dress up again. I just had to smile.
There will always be plenty of bad stuff to get me upset, frustrated and sad. We can all count on that. It's just too easy to get caught up in all the garbage, but if I look for it, I can always find a bit of beauty in the day. I want to make a point of remembering that.