Sunday, May 10, 2009

Where's my beret?

My television set died a few months ago, and I finally beat a long habit of leaving the TV on just for the sound of voices. (That's such a sad and ineffective way to fight loneliness.) Sometimes though, I just want to kick back and watch something, be entertained without actively participating like I do on the internet. That's how I became a fan of Hulu. Just nudge the mouse every now and then, and I can zombify with online TV.

Tonight, none of the shows I had queued suited my mood, and I thought it was too late for a movie, so I went browsing to see just what TV shows they had. There it was, The Mary Tyler Moore Show. Oh, I loved that show back in the seventies when it was first on, from Mary's Evan Picone wardrobe (I still remember and miss my first Evan Picone suit, this wonderful gray that sneered at the idea that a gray suit wasn't sexy) to the well developed characters to that theme song.

If you're old enough to remember, sing along, Who can turn the world on with her smile...

Decades later, I find I still love that show. The writing has held up, and damn it, I still want to turn the world on, and despite all the crap I'm still smiling. OK, this comes from severe, strict early childhood training that you smiled through everything. I've smiled until my face hurt, and I had to massage my cheeks to stop smiling. I've smiled and made jokes while being loaded onto an ambulance. I scoff at beauty pageant contestants who have to resort to Vaseline on their teeth. Amateurs.

When I was watching tonight, I heard more then the opening line of the song. These lyrics got to me. How will you make it on your own? This world is awfully big, girl, this time you're on your own. But it's time you started living. It's time you let someone else do the the giving. Well, damn. Decades, wrinkles, gray hair and a no longer fabulous, no longer designer wardrobe later, I'm living that damn theme song.

I am going to effing make it after all. I may be alone. I may be starting a career all over again in the worst economy our country has seen in generations. I have the right to be scared and to feel really lousy about my life sometimes. I also have the courage and the grit to keep smiling while I recreate my life with grace, humor, style and substance.

I have a beret somewhere. It's a cute little black knit. I need to find it just so I can toss it in the air. Y'all had better be smiling when I do.


Blogger Nelle said...

I saw Mary Tyler Moore on a talk show one day. She has had diabetes all her life, overcame alcoholism and the suicide of her only child. Yet she has been such a beloved actress. She is going blind now. This is from the diabetes which she says she was not careful enough with. There is no doubt in my mind that you WILL make it. I am struggling now not sure if you read my Copious Chatter blog but my Dad has had two strokes in two weeks and is in heart failure. When I get really down, I remember Job: "The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away. Blessed be the name of the Lord." I know the Lord still has many things, good things, in store for you. :)

May 10, 2009 7:45 AM  
Blogger Lisa :-] said...

I'm thinking of Mary and her little mini skirt and mini-winter coat and her beret on the streets of Minneapolis...

Now, for you, I see a power suit, a designer bag (all acquired at the local consigment shop) and...hmmmm. A Hermes scarf? I can see it fluttering back down into your hand in slow motion, like a giant parade streamer, in downtown...Nashville?

May 11, 2009 1:03 AM  
Blogger emmapeelDallas said...

Oh, this post brings back memories. I LOVED that show. Yes, I'm smiling with you at the thought of you tossing your beret into the air. You're gonna make it for sure.

And Happy Mother's Day!

May 11, 2009 3:39 AM  
Blogger daringtowrite said...

I'm applauding you along, Cynthia, but the Hulu entertainment isn't available in Canada yet (or, apparently, anywhere else out of the US).

May 11, 2009 10:32 PM  

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