Sunday, April 12, 2009

PAD 12

So we decided to --

in that bleak moment,
when the atmosphere
had the pressure of the
ocean floor,
and the linoleum
beneath my feet was jello,
and each breath,
so shallow, so strained,
contained only disinfectant
and blood,
when the question asked
rumbled under some baby's cry,
and I was
cocooned in psychic shrink wrap
to keep the broken pieces
together --

whatever could be used.

(Knives and once tender flesh
were all I could see.)
And I laid my head on his chest,
beginning the good-bye

to the heart that could not be used.

I've wondered since if

they see differently now,
those who received
his hazel eyes.

If the stillness of an icy dawn
and a small fire draw them.
If the ghosts of Confederates,
neighbors, comrades in arms,
stir them.

If there is beauty and ugliness
in everything,
but neither matters.
If everything has value
and can be used.
If the connection between
everything and everyone
is so clear,
so priceless,
and still a burden.

(If they would see me

as he once did.)
If they could let me see,
as he once did.

I tried to write about anything but this for the prompt "so we decided to," but this insisted on coming out. I'm very grateful now I bought that wine last night, but I'm shaking so, if I can get the bottle open at all, I'll need a sturdy cup, not a delicate glass.



Blogger Magdalene6127 said...


Gorgeous. Haunting.

April 12, 2009 10:37 PM  
Blogger Lisa :-] said...

Oh my god, Cyn. This is enormous.

April 13, 2009 12:59 AM  
Blogger Rebecca Anne said...

This feels like coming home to words I've been missing for a very long time.
I'll have to search around to discover the prompt and where it came from, but for now, I'll just say your words reached across the country and tonight I am delighted.

April 13, 2009 1:02 AM  
Blogger Nelle said...

I have a friend who makes beaded jewelery and he started selling at craft bazaars and makes a few hundred dollars at each. Many people love handmade/unique items. You can even do sales via a webpage. Just a thought.

April 14, 2009 7:53 AM  

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