Tuesday, December 02, 2008

A little insight

I've been back at work for a week now. It's a pleasant little job, and after six months of job seeking and rejection, I'm grateful to have it. I'm still looking for another part-time job, but doing that while I have a job gives me a lot more confidence. What I'm enjoying the most is feeling like I actually have a personality again. I'll always love my personal time, but too much is a bad thing for this old girl. I forget how to laugh when I'm alone too much, and laughter ranks high on the need list, not too far down from oxygen, water, food, clothing and shelter.

Sadness is an isolating thing. It encapsulates you, providing a barrier from the pain you just can't handle yet and the joy you crave and feel you don't deserve. For me, one of the hardest losses I've had to endure was a disconnect from my spiritual life. With all due respect to my many Christian friends, all I've been left with has been religion. For me, spirituality is about connection to God, to my fellow humans, to all of creation. It's about consciousness and awareness. That is the starting point from which everything else -- love, obedience, service, contemplation, support, healing and yes, religion -- flows and eventually ends

I wonder if denying myself laughter also led to my denying myself that connection or if it worked the other way around. I know that the Creator is the God of broken places and people as well as all that is whole. My own form of broken-ness left me unable to sense the all the connections. It left me rarely able to laugh, and I've learned that my spirituality comes from a quietly merry place. I'm not there yet, but I think I can see it. It took being around people again to begin clearing my eyes.


Blogger JACKIE said...

Congrats on the job search. Pickings were mighty slim in the local paper this morning. Thank the Creator for mom and the cats. They both help me laugh. And you're right. Laughter may be more necessary than anything else.

December 02, 2008 10:14 AM  
Anonymous Mars said...

I've read your writings for awhile now and have just started my own so I thought I better stop lurking and comment. Congratulations on the job. I know it is a comfort to have something "to do" other than those things you "must do". Laughter is good for the soul.

December 02, 2008 10:19 PM  
Blogger MarsCA58 said...

Oops I didn't post my blog link correctly. Hope this works I'm still kind of new to this.

December 02, 2008 10:23 PM  
Blogger Lisa :-] said...

Sometimes you just need to be around people to pull yourself outside of yourself. I am the least social person in the world, and even I know that I am better when I am forced, as I am in my business, to get out there and be with people. It is always good for me, and always a struggle...

December 02, 2008 11:00 PM  
Blogger Nelle said...

The wonderful thing about your spirituality is that when you are ready, it will be waiting for you.
I am so pleased that you have a job. You are so right, when you have one it's so much easier to get another. I am praying you will enjoy some special moments of peace this Christmas season.
Hugs and cocoa,

December 03, 2008 6:35 PM  
Blogger emmapeelDallas said...

Oh, I know what you mean about laughter. It is absolutely delicious to me, and quite essential, and I love the idea that a part of your spirituality comes from "a quietly merry place". That gives me food for thought.

December 04, 2008 3:40 AM  

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