A crack in the wall
I've had a little breakthrough tonight. As usual, insomnia and I have been squaring off, and I'm the one getting whupped. I can count the amount of sleep I've had in the last few days in minutes. Tonight faced with the prospect of eyelids which simply would not shut, an infomercial for colon cleansing on TV and a book that just wasn't holding my interest, I got online and decided some music would be just what I needed. After recently being introduced to Last.FM, I decided to figure this thing out, and oh boy!
I started out searching for some moody folk which morphed into indie rock and then flirted briefly with some traditional ballads (Moonlight Serenade, anybody?). From there I went to blues and transitioned into rockabilly and then old school R&B. By then, I was up on my feet singing off key (as usual) and loudly (rare). I've gotten so much well deserved grief over my bad singing voice that I have to force myself to sing at normal volume even in private. I was dancing for all I was worth, and I swear the cats were gaping at my Chuck Berry strut.
Damn, it felt good. I actually felt happy. It's been a long time since I tasted happiness. For years I ran from silence, even keeping the radio or TV on when I slept. Since my husband died, it's become one of my closest friends. I firmly believe need all people need some silence, but I've overdosed. Tonight, I needed Blue Suede Shoes. It wanted to Rave On. I craved The Same Old Song. It was definitely time to Tighten Up. I'm in the grips of Superstition now, and I like it.
This is just a temporary boost heightened by sleep deprivation, but I don't care! Happiness is possible even when my entire life has been shaken more than a snow globe. A moment is good enough. It lets me know more can come.
music, emotions, insomnia