Friday, October 03, 2008

Birthday wishes

Today is the womanchild's eighteenth birthday. Legally a woman, she'll always be my child. I haven't spoken to her today though I have left her a couple of voice mails. She'll see me if she wants to. I know she's planning on going out with the guy she's been dating for a couple of years tonight, and I hope they have a wonderful time. Yesterday, she came to me crying because he wanted to break up (the day before her birthday! ARGH!), and I'm just hoping and praying that she can find some peace and happiness now. This has been a very hard time for her, losing her father, having her mother in a meltdown, starting college and being in a tumultuous relationship. I've worried so much about her getting so serious so young, but I know the desire underneath it is to be loved and secure. Love her family has provided. She knows what that feels like. We didn't that good of a job on the security, but I'm not going to go off on my own guilt trip.

I'm so proud of the woman my daughter is becoming. Intelligent, courageous, ethical, moral, opinionated, stronger than she realizes, it truly is an honor to have just been part of her life, much less her mother. I know how vulnerable she is. how hard she fights to hide that, and how afraid she is of those vulnerabilities. I have no doubts about her ability to handle the challenges life brings. Like all mothers I have many wishes both mundane and lofty for her.

I just heard from her, and she's in tears again, hurt by the boyfriend, hurt by me and others in the family. I won't be seeing her today as much as I wish I could. I wish I could make this a happy birthday for her, but I can't. She's coming into legal adulthood in tears and disappointment. I want to tell her... I want to tell myself... that happiness will come too.


Blogger Sarah S-D said...

oh poor girl... my drama teacher in high school was fond of speaking of the terrible timing of adolescent young me... really... they can be such clods. couldn't he have waited a week???

but then again there's never a good time to have your heart broken.

i admire you cyn for the way you're parenting and loving through this trying, estranging time.

((((cyn and womanchild))))

October 03, 2008 8:20 PM  
Blogger Sarah S-D said...

adolescent young MEN- is what i was supposed to have typed. though perhaps adolescent young me had bad timing too!

October 03, 2008 8:21 PM  
Blogger Nelle said...

Oh no...sounds like this guy is insensitive to say the least. She certainly is going through a rough patch. Maybe this will bring about a realization that the two of you are still a family. One member less but still you two have each other. Will say a prayer for her.
By the way went through a horrible break up with my best friends daughter and the man she knew was her soulmate in her freshman year of college. She graduated in June and married her true Mr. Right which she met sophomore year.

October 04, 2008 7:43 AM  
Blogger Lisa :-] said...

Some years just suck. I had a few by the time I had reached C's age. That's no comfort to the one who is suffering through it, I know. Or the two...

I know you two will reconnect...maybe soon, maybe later. But it will happen.

Meanwhile, take care of you.

October 05, 2008 2:16 AM  

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