Saturday, August 30, 2008

How to write when you've forgotten how

Step One: You sit down and open up your blog. You read a few of your favorite entries to remind yourself that you can do this.

Step Two: You go to the weight loss blog and toss something down about superficial stuff because it's easier to do.

Step Three: Rearrange the kittens from directly in front of the computer screen and try to think of a time when there weren't kittens. (Can't be done.)

Step Four: Ramble.

I've defined myself as a writer for most of my life. I've earned decent chunks of my income from writing, just never enough to support myself, much less my family, from writing. Yet after R. died, I didn't want to write. Then it felt like I couldn't write. (There's a bit of irony here because I've been working on something for years now that has creativity as a tool for healing as a theme. My character may be smarter than I am, or I'm learning her journey much more personally than I ever intended.) Then when I tried to write, all I could do was spew pain and venom, and I didn't want to do that. There's a point where catharsis becomes self-indulgence, and I went way past that point.

None of that changes how much I need to write and how much I need to connect with people, albeit with through a medium of distance and illusion. Thus I blog, even when I know it's not worth reading. It's still an act of hope though that these few lines will help me get back to writing something worth reading and feeling like a person worth being.

11 Comments:

Blogger Songbird said...

(o)

August 30, 2008 10:40 PM  
Blogger emmapeelDallas said...

For what it's worth, I don't think I've ever read one of your posts and thought it wasn't worth reading.

August 30, 2008 11:20 PM  
Blogger Lisa :-] said...

Cyn--
You know I haven't the time and have not had the brain for writing for the last two years. But I subscribed to a daily email for writers...and one day, they said that you should write something, anything, every day. Ten minutes a day.

I've been doing it since about the beginning of this month, and most of it is absolute crap. But the good part about it is that I've been doing it. Every day. And one or two of the posts actually make some sense.

You are a writer. Just...write. Don't worry about how it looks or what it sounds like. You won't regret it. Sometimes you just have to write what is, not what you (or anyone else) would like it to be.

August 30, 2008 11:45 PM  
Blogger Theresa Williams said...

You're being true to the title of you blog: you are sorting the pieces. You are doing exactly what you need to do. xxxooxoxo

August 30, 2008 11:48 PM  
Blogger Cynnie said...

time does heal all wounds ..
its true it's true

August 31, 2008 1:09 AM  
Blogger more cows than people said...

ditto to emmapeeldallas. (((cyn)))

August 31, 2008 7:03 AM  
Blogger Chris said...

I've learned a lot through your blog. Even this post, I thought "There's a point where carthesis becomes self-indulgence" was incredibly insightful and sharply written.

So never think "it's not worth reading".

August 31, 2008 9:50 AM  
Blogger IndigoSunMoon said...

You are a writer Cynthia...and you definitely are a person worth being. You've been through hell, and it takes a long time to see through to the other side. The light is at the end of that tunnel Cyn, and even if you can't see it now...you will when the time is right.
Thinking of you,
Connie

August 31, 2008 10:00 AM  
Blogger Judith HeartSong said...

I am sending a warm hug to a friend who's been there thru thick and thin.... always a word or two to share that hit the mark, and wit and wisdom related to traveling life's path.

When I wrote the tough stuff down it was cathartic and necessary, and although some people winced and others worried.... I was writing those words down because they were true and a part of this life's journey. Claiming what has happened in my life, because it has affected me, was a part of healing. How I felt and how I dealt with it was mine to purge.

You write what you need to write, write what you want to write, and everyone who loves who you are as a person will honor your path and your journey. You are an extraordinary woman.... don't you ever forget it.

love,

judi

September 01, 2008 7:51 PM  
Anonymous Barbara said...

Ah, but for your friends it matters not as much what you have to say as it does that you are talking and we are hearing from you. ((((Cynthia))))

September 01, 2008 9:42 PM  
Blogger Celeste said...

Cynthia, write no matter if you think it is garbage. That beautiful heart of yours will shine through no matter what.

September 02, 2008 9:53 AM  

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