Monday, February 05, 2007

Measuring moods

after my last entry, I feel compelled to say that I'm better. I've got more of a grip on things, and I have anger to thank for that. It wasn't my husband that got me mad. It was someone else, but along with the anger came some clarity. When someone is looking at your life and just seeing it so inaccurately that it makes you want to scream, you can look at things with more objectivity. Oh, I'm also no longer mad enough to spit nails dipped in venom. In fact, part of me has just quit caring what a few people think and realizing that their reaction is no loss for me.

Though the emotional roller coaster of the last few days has not been pleasant, it has had its upside. I'm not talking about the two day migraine, knotted muscles and delicate digestion. I've realized that I'm not depressed. Yes, I feel sad and distressed over circumstances right now, but I'd be a fool if I didn't. I'm just experiencing normal sadness, and trying to escape that is just stupid.

What makes the critical difference here is that I don't feel hopeless. While I do feel somewhat stuck, part of my brain is working on getting unstuck. Any confusion is coming from weighing multiple options, not from not being able to see options at all. The realization that my depression is in check feels just about as good as looking at my weight loss.

depression, sadness

1 Comments:

Blogger ~Rebecca Anne~ said...

Cyn,
I read both entries and in my humble opinion, your reactions and thoughts seem most appropriate. Or even, downright human. The only thing I would disagree with is the selfish part, I would say you've simply mislabeled a feeling that seems entirely sane to me. The responsibilities on a woman are never clearly measured in my humble opinion, almost everything we do falls into the non-selfish catagory.
I hope your knee is feeling better and I'm glad hope is still in your heart.
Rebecca Anne

February 06, 2007 10:32 AM  

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