Christmas Eve

Advent comes to an end tonight. Today, I light the fourth candle on my wreath. Hope, peace and joy will be joined by love. In my actual life, it seems to have worked in reverse order.

Loving is easy for me. I don't know why or how it came to be that seeing the beautiful and lovable in just about everyone just feels natural and right. It's not something that I have to work on, and even though my love is often given with my usual lack of physical grace and charm, people seem to recognize that it's good. Now loving myself and letting myself be loved is an entirely different matter. In fact, arriving at the point of knowing that I am indeed lovable and loved and worthy of my own love has been a lifetime's work. This month, I've been just showered with love. It came at me everywhere I turned. I couldn't have avoided being loved if I tried.

I picked up a phrase from a message board a few years ago for those lessons that God and the universe are just determined that you will learn -- the cosmic clue by four. It always reminded me of a story about training mules. Those awkward, strong and beautiful creatures are known for being both hard headed and vocal. They're also incredibly hard working and loyal once they've been trained, but training them is a challenge. An old story goes that the first step to training a mule is to pick up a two by four piece of lumber, swing it with all one's might and land it right between the mule's eyes. The reason for this action that sounds so cruel is that first you have to get the mule's attention.

It's no wonder that I identify so with mules. The cosmic clue by four seems to be how I get life's big and important lessons, the ones that make you grow into the person you can and should become. It's also no wonder that I have a lot of headaches. My latest clue by four though hasn't come with headaches. It's come with my jaw dropping open a lot. It's come with involuntary tears of surprise and gratitude. It's come with feeling warm and glowy much of the time. It's come with the quiet but still bubbly feeling of joy rising within me, the kind of happiness that has nothing to do with life's circumstances. It's come with serenity during a time that normally feels sad and separated from all the happy events in the world around me. It's come with the assurance that this time of personal troubles that has seemed endless is a temporary phase that will come to a close sooner than I expect.

Love, joy, peace and hope. The miracle of Christmas has been made very real for me this year. I have been richly blessed and our Great Creator has my attention and my gratitude.

The artwork is Christmas Dinner by Pollyanna Pickering.

Advent, Christmas, mules