Autumn renewal

The first day of fall has been the hottest we've had all week. I woke to a mugginess that's been missing in a glorious week of days in the seventies and nights in the 50s. Last night, thunderstorms sat on us, and all around us tornado warnings loomed. I've wanted the rain, craved it, and I've been willing to tolerate this nasty humidity today to get it. The soybean fields are turning yellow and cotton is showing in the boll. This is the only time of the year that I can tell the two apart. Lawns and leaves are still green, but every now and then, I catch a glimpse of red leaves in just part of a tree. The wildflowers along the highway are yellow as well, instead of the red of summer, and I can notice the shortening of the days. Fall is here! I can't help being excited.

This has always been a season of renewal for me. I don't think I'll ever outgrow a student's schedule of fall being a time of beginnings. Being more and more aware of my age, it's appropriate that fall is my favorite season now, but I also know that I'm beginning again. I may be deep into middle age, but this is definitely a new phase for me, and I'm conscious of it. That's the amazing thing to me. I usually don't recognize those shifts in my world until my path is pretty much set. In the first year of a new career, my finances reset to ground zero after the last few years of caregiving, my marriage in flux, my daughter a teen who's separating from me in all the ways that healthy growth means, a clearer image of who I am than I've had in a long time, I feel like I have choices again. Some of these choices are quite hard and unforgiving. Starting over at my age isn't easy, but it is a real adventure. I can see that now. That's such a delightful surprise.

autumn
beginnings