Tuesday, August 01, 2006

Wishing on the rising sun

One of the qualities that I like least about myself is my tendency to go to the worst possible scenario. This isn't a panic attack -- it's a heart attack! Money isn't just tight, I'm going to lose everything! My house isn't just dirty -- it's scandalous, it's dangerous! Our government has actually contributed to creating more America hating terrorists than it's done to prevent terrorism! Oh, wait a minute, that last one is true.

It's a confusing world, and my tendency to paint everything black makes it more so. It's the ongoing struggle between perception and reality. Sometimes to keep going, I have to pump myself full of happy talk. Positive affirmations and visualizations can be a wonderful tool, but there's always the chance that one can create an equally false image of the world. Rose colored glasses have to come off sometime, and I don't live in a rose garden

Shakespeare said that nothing is either good or bad, but thinking makes it so. Well, I do disagree. I firmly believe that true good and true evil exist in this world, but I live my life somewhere in the middle of that continuum, which makes my perceptions about the world around me all the more important. I may be in the mode of having to struggle to get through each day, but I'm smart enough to want to do so with both feet firmly planted on the ground. I have literal depth perception problems, and I've fallen more than once because I thought my next step should land either higher or lower than the accurate level of the ground below me. Life throws me off balance easily enough. I don't want to make it worse by not seeing things as they are.

So here is my wish for this day, even though it begins with the pall of too little sleep and caffeine. I want clarity and equilibrium, to see things as they are and not be knocked over by them, to meet both pleasures and dangers with peace of spirit, nimbleness of mind and appropriate action.


Blogger Gannet Girl said...

Great prayer/tall order!

August 01, 2006 6:30 AM  
Anonymous Robin said...

Wow. I just found your blog last night, and the timing couldn't have been more perfect.

I've dealt with panic and anxiety for years. Got it under control a year and a half ago, but have recently slipped back into those bad thought patterns. I've lived your first paragraph so many times.

I needed this today. Really. Thank you.

August 01, 2006 8:53 AM  
Blogger David Holt said...

Thanks for the link. You have a nice blog here.

August 01, 2006 10:20 AM  
Blogger Candace said...

I have always enjoyed your writing. I hope you find the exact balance you need.

August 01, 2006 5:23 PM  
Blogger Virginia said...

Wonderful post.

For me, I think I would need to wish for groundedness and centeredness so that when I am knocked down, I can take it all in stride and not let it fundamentally change my character (as it is guaranteed I'll be knocked down!)

Thanks for the smile.

Peace, Virginia

August 01, 2006 9:47 PM  
Blogger redsneakz said...

This is my commonest affliction too. I try to work every day on it, but it just keeps coming back.

August 02, 2006 6:33 AM  
Anonymous elleme said...

"... want clarity and equilibrium, to see things as they are and not be knocked over by them, to meet both pleasures and dangers with peace of spirit, nimbleness of mind and appropriate action."
I couldn't ask for more. As is so often the case, your words are just exactly right.

August 02, 2006 7:25 PM  
Blogger beths front porch said...

Since I left work today I have been berating myself for a work telephone conversation in which I perceive I was not as smart as I should have been. In fact, I'll probably be fired for it. Wait. I read your entry. I recognize myself. I shall say your prayer. Thank you for giving me the words to use.

August 02, 2006 8:24 PM  

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