Sunday, April 09, 2006

Keeping it holy

There are so many other things I ought to be doing. I didn't make my to do list simply because I couldn't bear looking at the chores laid out in black and white. In some ways this is progress for me. It's a subtle refusal to feel guilty because I'm not making the choice I was trained to make.

I've worked hard this week, and I need a day to restore. There's wisdom deeper than any religion in honoring the Sabbath, even if one doesn't recognize a day of the week as a day of worship. We humans are more than muscle, blood and bone. The most valuable part of ourselves is that which cannot be touched by human hands, and we need to set apart a time for that aspect of ourselves to come to the forefront.

I aspire to living consciously. I want to be fully present in each moment, connected to my self, other people, the natural world, the Holy Spirit. I simply am not able to do it, at least not now, maybe not in this lifetime. There have been moments of sheer awe when I know that I've achieved that desire. They are so powerful, so truly mind expanding that even dreaming of remaining at that level of consciousness is difficult.

They remind me though that it's possible, and that it's important to try. I need to acknowledge the sacred and make honoring it a priority. I do this in church sometimes. In my life, most often I've done it alone. I've even despaired of being able to connect and truly honor and worship God/dess within a community. I know now that it's possible, and when it's right, it's even better than going it alone.

I know that in creating a sacred time, I have to turn my back on other activities. The laundry, the contracts, the dishes, the callback list all have to wait. I need to turn my mind to the quiet places where I know that I can catch a glimpse of God/dess. It's one thing to intellectually know that my Creator, my Redeemer is always with me and quite another to be fully aware of it.

I'm feeling calm, small in the sense that I'm part of a huge, limitless universe, valuable in that I know there's a reason for my presence here, loved in that I know God/dess wants time with me, grateful that this can happen anywhere.

The splintered pieces of myself, businesswoman, wife, mother, friend, bitch, maid, treehugger and more, are coming together again. Whole, intact, relaxed, loose limbed, I know the purpose for this day and honor it, I will.


Blogger Theresa Williams said...

I definitely relate to this. Bless you, dear Cynthia.

April 09, 2006 1:42 PM  
Blogger Ann said...

You truly write like an artfully pieced quilt.
Makes me want to go through my stash and start designing one!

April 09, 2006 9:13 PM  
Blogger Gannet Girl said...

You are doing some amazing writing these days, girl.

I liked what you wrote about the alone/communnity issue. Even though I am very content in my church community, most of what happens to me in terms of an encounter with God happens outside that community. I think that being in a church facilitates it, with the music and prayer and preaching and teaching and events and meetings and friendships all being windows of connection, but the real stuff happens elsewhere.

April 10, 2006 6:45 AM  
Blogger Celeste said...

See what I mean? I've just read your last two entries back to back (playing catch up)...another wonderful extension. ;) C.

April 10, 2006 7:18 AM  

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