Friday, March 31, 2006


I am tired, and I'm so glad it's Friday. I went into work at 7:30 yesterday morning, picked the daughter up at school in the afternoon, took her to her activity, went back to work and got home around 9:30. That has not been unusual lately, and I'm still behind a bit in some areas. Unfortunately, they're the ones that contribute the most to generating income.

I work on commission so my time spent prospecting for leads and then developing them through a workable, closable project is the most important. It's a very particular mindset for me that requires putting aside my introversion. I also have to set aside the part of my nature that just goes with the flow and take control over the step by step process of the deal while still keeping an easy going relationship with my clients. It's a balancing act for me. Warm, friendly, accommodating me twirls with firm, exacting me. Then I have to switch gears again and become detail oriented, anal retentive, check, double check, triple check everything, every i dotted and t crossed me. Since this part of my nature is the one that generally causes me the most personal problems, keeping a leash on it while using it is essential.

I came home limping last night, ankles swollen like balloons over my shoes, the bad knee popping and grinding, the good one aching and throbbing. 14 straight hours in hose and heels really ought to be part of some Iron Woman triathlon. The cell phone Bluetooth earpiece had been on all day as well, and more than once yesterday I found myself alternating between one conversation on it and another on the land line phone. Head aching, body trembling, I checked my to do list for anything left undone. Laundry, dishes and writing all got ignored, and I really wanted to sit down and write.

I wanted, needed to get into the head space that lets me write freely and see where it takes me. The breezes and scents of the spring night on my drive home were nearly intoxicating. I was tempted to throw a quilt on the ground when I got home, lie down and just watch the clouds and stars chase each other. My practical side knew that I was so stiff and sore, we would have had to have rented a crane to get me back on my feet.

Weekends are often work days for me, but this one won't be. When I get home tonight, the hose, the heels, the structured suits will be banished to the back of the closet until Monday. The hair will come down and stay down. I want wine and candlelight while I write, starlit nights shared in my husband's company, laughter with my daughter, quiet, solitary mornings away from the telephone and comfortable shoes. The good thing is I know I can have it.

The words from Beautiful Loser are coming to me now -- You just can't have it all. You just don't need it all. I might have it all, just not at the same time.


Blogger Gabreael said...

Enjoy this weekend!


March 31, 2006 6:32 AM  
Blogger Theresa Williams said...

Oh, Cynthia, sweetie, I feel for you. Please get some comfortable shoes and throw the heels out the car window. Cheer as they bounce and break on the pavement. Yes, and DO make time for your writing. Why don't you and the whoman-child make a postcard for my project? Wouldn't that be fun? Lots of love to you.

March 31, 2006 1:27 PM  
Blogger Lisa :-] said...

I wish the weather was warm and dry enough around here to even contemplate sitting outside on a quilt at night and watching the stars.... You can hardly do that in the middle of July in the Pacific Northwest!

There is one negative about working at home and being my own boss...the weekends just don't have the allure they used to. They once were such wonderful things to look forward to.

March 31, 2006 2:34 PM  
Blogger Nelle said...

OH I know how you feel. Having trouble with one of my knees and the dress shoes make my feet swell up as well. Today was my day off and I ran around in a tie dyed skirt and flip flops. But...I work tomorrow.

March 31, 2006 8:25 PM  

Post a Comment

Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]

Links to this post:

Create a Link

<< Home