Tuesday, November 29, 2005


Confidence is such a blessing. Whether one has to work to attain it or it has just developed naturally, confidence does more for a person than most personality attributes because it makes things easier. You don't second guess every step you take. You believe that you'll handle what comes your way. It's the oil in life's engine.

From what I've seen, confidence works primarily in two ways, how it affects an individual from the inside and how it affects people in the external world. The internal consequences of confidence seem tremendous to me. I live in a world of paradoxes, and this one is a big one for me. I have tremendous confidence in my talents, skills and ability to learn. In all honesty, I think I have quite a few really good things going on. I know that I can write fairly well. I know that I speak well. I'm confident in my ability to think things through. I feel that given sufficient time that I could learn almost anything. I see where I've been given so many things by my Creator, and I still fear they don't add up to much, because my weaknesses are so great as well. This part of me...well, it just sucks.

I've learned over the years to fake the confidence I don't feel. I've wondered if everybody does this, if confidence is really just a confidence game. A master of a trade makes everything look easy. When you watch someone who knows what they're doing, you trust them. When I was little, I wanted to study tap dancing because of that wonderful scene in the move, Holiday Inn, where Fred Astaire dances with firecrackers. Oh, he made it look so easy, and the only time I could get my heels to tap was by accident.

Real confidence may make life look easy, but I'm old enough now to know that just isn't true. No matter how smoothly it looks like someone is handling something, no one gets out of this life without hurting. I wonder now if the seeming confidence I've envied actually isolated a person. When you look like you're handling everything with ease, who's going to offer you help, even if you really need it? I don't know if that's a fair price to pay for the ease it can create in other situations.

Confidence draws people to you. It can transform plain features into attractive ones. Take it too far though, and it becomes arrogance and has the opposite affect. Arrogance only really attracts sycophants and emotional masochists who want to feel less than someone else. Humility must be a component of true confidence, and humility requires the honesty to look at oneself unflinchingly. That's a real trick, and it's one I think I'll work on my entire life.

Subject suggested by Karen.


Blogger Lisa :-] said...

I don't even think about the concept of confidence much. I know I don't have any, so what's to ponder? Lisa :-]

November 30, 2005 1:29 AM  
Blogger Solitary Dancer said...

This line you wrote really struck a chord. "When you look like you're handling everything with ease, who's going to offer you help, even if you really need it?"

This is the problem I always run in to. It may look like I have confidence and everything is in control. But, I'm not and when I need some support it's not there, because it appears I'm in control.

November 30, 2005 5:51 AM  
Blogger Tammy said...

I think we may have confidence in certain things we do or believe in. If we are balanced in honesty of what we are not confident in, it makes us more approachable and receptive to others. I learned this the hard way and had too much pride to be honest in needing help. I learned in showing my short comings and reaching out I received love in abundance.
Thanks for your insight!


November 30, 2005 1:15 PM  
Blogger gigi said...

I have always envied confident people ~ they are invariably successful, attractive, and rarely questioning of their place in the world.

You're absolutely right about self-confidence 'drawing people to you.' I think this is how they solve the problem of getting help when they do need it ~ they do not believe that the occasional request for help reflects negatively on who they are, and people are frequently eager to assist such appealing personalities. Offering help to such a friend has a certain levelling aspect for both.

Wonderful insight.

November 30, 2005 2:47 PM  
Blogger Gabreael said...

Without faith in ourselves we accomplish very little in life.

Hey, I need to save that one for my future job as a fortune cookie saying writer. I mean it beats the usual "Eat more Chinese," I keep getting.




November 30, 2005 6:54 PM  
Blogger Nelle said...

This is such a meaningful topic to me right now. I have started a new job. NO ONE ever pleases the boss. It's so frustrating and it's eroding my confidence. I am struggling to stay there, but financially I must until I can find something better. It's a daily struggle right now.

November 30, 2005 8:53 PM  
Blogger kas said...

Confidence is something most of us could all use more of...great entry.

December 02, 2005 3:25 PM  

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