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This is one of my stranger paradoxes. Sometimes I come across like some sick Pollyanna who can always see something good in a bad situation, but I'm not a happy, shiny person. I love laughter. I love whimsy, but my nature runs to what is serious.

In times like these, when I'm going without the antidepressants I've become so used to, I have to watch out for this. The serious stuff sometimes looks overwhelming. When I write, I want to write about what's real. Keeping reality in my writing, whether it's my journal, my poetry or my stumbling and hesitant fiction, is what I feel makes my writing good enough to read. However, when the chemically challenged side of my emotional makeup is telling me to go and hide with the covers over my head, my writing can easily become one big whine.

I hate whining, but I need to write more than ever when depression seems to be winning our ongoing battle. I need it to help clarify my thoughts and distinguish the voice of depression from my voice. I need the discipline and the routine of it. Structure and routine are among the tools I use to battle depression. Without them, it is too easy to hide under the bed covers.

When my thoughts loom to all my perceived failures and shortcomings, it's very easy to want to give up and do nothing. A routine makes a task doable. I know that if I start my day with some reading, an idea will usually come out to lighten the mental load. I know that if I go to bed with all the dishes washed, my kitchen won't feel like yet another failure when I make my morning coffee.

I know that if I continue to write every day, at least one sentence in however much I write will give me a sense of accomplishment. Feeling that accomplishment is the best tool I've got to put depression back in its nasty, little corner. The trick is to keep the reality without the whining, so I look for something positive, and my inner Pollyanna emerges. Sometimes I just want to slap the sappy, little brat, but I know I need her.

This long explanation leads to this. I don't really want to write about my conflicts about the holiday season any more than I have. I don't want to write about my business life except to say that I'm on a learning curve and both excited and anxious about that challenge. I don't want to regularly give vent to the sadness that's trying to pull me under right now. (Please note the qualifier of regularly.) One of my favorite journallers has been Jeff the Comedy Guy, who turned to his readers for subjects. He asked for one word about which he would write. I'll leave the subject parameters up to you, one word or more. Just give me a subject, and we'll see where it goes.