Saturday, November 26, 2005

Your assistance is requested

This is one of my stranger paradoxes. Sometimes I come across like some sick Pollyanna who can always see something good in a bad situation, but I'm not a happy, shiny person. I love laughter. I love whimsy, but my nature runs to what is serious.

In times like these, when I'm going without the antidepressants I've become so used to, I have to watch out for this. The serious stuff sometimes looks overwhelming. When I write, I want to write about what's real. Keeping reality in my writing, whether it's my journal, my poetry or my stumbling and hesitant fiction, is what I feel makes my writing good enough to read. However, when the chemically challenged side of my emotional makeup is telling me to go and hide with the covers over my head, my writing can easily become one big whine.

I hate whining, but I need to write more than ever when depression seems to be winning our ongoing battle. I need it to help clarify my thoughts and distinguish the voice of depression from my voice. I need the discipline and the routine of it. Structure and routine are among the tools I use to battle depression. Without them, it is too easy to hide under the bed covers.

When my thoughts loom to all my perceived failures and shortcomings, it's very easy to want to give up and do nothing. A routine makes a task doable. I know that if I start my day with some reading, an idea will usually come out to lighten the mental load. I know that if I go to bed with all the dishes washed, my kitchen won't feel like yet another failure when I make my morning coffee.

I know that if I continue to write every day, at least one sentence in however much I write will give me a sense of accomplishment. Feeling that accomplishment is the best tool I've got to put depression back in its nasty, little corner. The trick is to keep the reality without the whining, so I look for something positive, and my inner Pollyanna emerges. Sometimes I just want to slap the sappy, little brat, but I know I need her.

This long explanation leads to this. I don't really want to write about my conflicts about the holiday season any more than I have. I don't want to write about my business life except to say that I'm on a learning curve and both excited and anxious about that challenge. I don't want to regularly give vent to the sadness that's trying to pull me under right now. (Please note the qualifier of regularly.) One of my favorite journallers has been Jeff the Comedy Guy, who turned to his readers for subjects. He asked for one word about which he would write. I'll leave the subject parameters up to you, one word or more. Just give me a subject, and we'll see where it goes.

12 Comments:

Blogger IndigoSunMoon said...

Peace.

~Connie

November 26, 2005 4:50 PM  
Blogger Sie said...

I've been pondering this lately. Is it better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all.

November 26, 2005 6:16 PM  
Blogger Theresa Williams said...

When you work on your fiction, try writing about a real event but write about yourself in the third person. This will objectify your experience and you will see it much more clearly. When you write here, know that we care about you.

November 26, 2005 6:35 PM  
Blogger Theresa Williams said...

Cynthia, write about an artist or writer that you care about. See my recent entry on Gauguin. When I get a little depressed and low with my own creativity, I look to those who have come before for help. Give us a good, rich entry on a favorite artist or author. Before you know it, your spirits will lift again. You will have learned something new about your artist, yourself, and we will have learned more about everything, too.

November 26, 2005 6:39 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Confidence.

Karen (sull12)

November 26, 2005 6:44 PM  
Blogger Judith HeartSong said...

a room with a view



I am thinking of you............ this phrase came to me very strongly when Virginia told me of your entry.
Know that we are right here.

November 26, 2005 7:16 PM  
Blogger Celeste said...

80 years old

November 26, 2005 7:53 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

One word: cowboys.
More than one: a goodlooking cowboy with well-worn boots, dusty jeans, and a slow smile that reveals a missing tooth.
Fiction: Write a story in which he appears (doesn't have to be a main character).
OR
Poetry: A persona piece from his point of view.
OR
Nonfiction: Picture him clearly in your mind. What would such a person represent to you? Would you find such a person attractive--why/why not? How might you strike up a conversation with him? What would you hope to learn from him? Which of your single gal pals might you like to fix him up with?
Etc.
Have FUN.

November 26, 2005 8:32 PM  
Blogger Barbara said...

An 80 year old cowboy reminicing about a love he lost in a room with a view! lol Seriously, I like several of the topics and think you could do a bang up job with them.

November 27, 2005 1:41 AM  
Blogger Jod{i} said...

I love this idea. Having pondered it a bit in the past. Instead of using writing prompts...
okay here are some "words"
Journeys
Desert
Justification

hmmm how's that?

November 27, 2005 6:52 AM  
Blogger Wil said...

Ripples.

November 27, 2005 8:18 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey, Cynthia!
That cowboy comment was mine! Forgot to sign post, and when I went to comment again, my wireless connection disappeared--oops! So how come you haven't used it yet? ;P
I like Barbara's idea: An 80 year old cowboy reminicing about a love he lost in a room with a view!
Love ya!
Paula
http://journals.aol.com/paulajlambert/PaulaLambert-Author

December 01, 2005 11:35 PM  

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