Rediscovering
The need for structure.
It's been a day of scattershot thoughts and activities. I'm bumping like a pinball between chores left neglected too long, thoughts that probably don't need to be developed any more than they already have been, and trying to fit in a little leisure time on my day off. I've got so much to do though that any leisure is accompanied by a persistent, though fairly well constrained, sense of guilt.
There is part of me that just itches if practically every waking moment is not spent in some productive activity. Now my definition of productive activity can be considered liberal. Reading is productive. Meditation is productive. When I'm being really nice to myself, I even think that just writing is productive. On my more disciplined days, it has be writing with a clear purpose, preferably writing for potential publication or income.
This has been the type of day that just makes me want to wail that it will never get done. I finish one chore, and another that seems even more pressing is staring me in the face. Then I start to think that I'll never get to what really needs to be done because of what has to be done now. If I let those thoughts really get going, I end up feeling really ashamed, ready to just quit and do nothing and think this is all that I really deserve.
I think I need to go back to checking off a list. It beats the guilt I feel regardless of how productive I've actually been. More important than that, a list is a rudimentary plan. Get a plan going, and you'll have strategies and tactics. If I can do that for the little things, I can do it for the big things, like my life.
It's been a day of scattershot thoughts and activities. I'm bumping like a pinball between chores left neglected too long, thoughts that probably don't need to be developed any more than they already have been, and trying to fit in a little leisure time on my day off. I've got so much to do though that any leisure is accompanied by a persistent, though fairly well constrained, sense of guilt.
There is part of me that just itches if practically every waking moment is not spent in some productive activity. Now my definition of productive activity can be considered liberal. Reading is productive. Meditation is productive. When I'm being really nice to myself, I even think that just writing is productive. On my more disciplined days, it has be writing with a clear purpose, preferably writing for potential publication or income.
This has been the type of day that just makes me want to wail that it will never get done. I finish one chore, and another that seems even more pressing is staring me in the face. Then I start to think that I'll never get to what really needs to be done because of what has to be done now. If I let those thoughts really get going, I end up feeling really ashamed, ready to just quit and do nothing and think this is all that I really deserve.
I think I need to go back to checking off a list. It beats the guilt I feel regardless of how productive I've actually been. More important than that, a list is a rudimentary plan. Get a plan going, and you'll have strategies and tactics. If I can do that for the little things, I can do it for the big things, like my life.
posted by Cynthia at
12:19 AM
2 Comments:
I feel that way with most things, that something more interesting is going to be ha... SQUIRREL!
Somedays I feel the same way. I think it's the need to get things under control (or strive for that illusion lol). I think you have come so far in the past year and have much to be proud of. Give yourself a big pat on the back, you deserve it.
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