The weekly weigh in, week 38

After gaining last week, I knew that I had to be very careful to follow the program this week. As much as I love the results of my diet, as proud as I am of my accomplishments here, I know that I'm in a tenuous place. I've been dieting for eight and a half months. It's getting hard now. The weight is no longer coming off quickly. It's taking more and more varied stuff to keep the buzz. Just like with any addiction, I need a bigger fix. Where it just used to be the pounds coming off, now, I need to see and note changes in inches and sizes. I'm no longer satisfied with my clothes getting big. I want more new cute stuff, but I've done all the shopping I need to do for now. In short, the feedback from the diet is getting a little smaller every week.

The risk is that I'll go for what I'll think is a short term reward with a rich and delicious meal. One big night of farm raised veal parmesan with spaghetti on the side, all the bread sticks with garlic butter I can handle, topped off with tiramisu and a cappuccino...or a really freaking huge and tender ribeye, marinated and grilled to perfection with a loaded baked potato, large salad with blue cheese dressing, lots of red wine and cheesecake...or a breakfast with a fluffy Denver omelet, real sausage and bacon, hash browns, pancakes topped with syrup soaked fruits...or a cocktail party with an array of hors d'oeuvres and currant flavored vodka with tonic sounds like a great way to find a little temporary pleasure.

...looking for ways
to keep my motivation up
is just another way to
exercise creativity

The catch is that eating like that becomes the habit again, and I regain everything I've lost, starting the yo-yo back on an upward path.

The single rich meal is tempting. What it leads to is the high blood pressure that had me passing out, the swollen ankles that flopped over my shoes, the aching knees, the ugly clothes that made me feel old and frumpy when my spirit feels vital and sexy, a fatigue I can't even begin to describe (it's hard physical work carrying all that weight around), sweating in 70 degrees, having idiots yell names at me in parking lots and getting insulted by jerks who think the appearance of a person is all that matters. So as the immediate feedback and short term reward gets harder to come by, I'm having to look for more than just a change in numbers to keep my diet buzz going.

So what have been my rewards this week? I finally got rid of all my old clothes, selling most of them in a yard sale and the nicer dresses I'd intended for a consignment shop to a lady who asked if I had more. It's good to have them out of my house. If I do start to regain weight, I'd have to buy everything new, and I'm sick of buying ugly, overpriced clothes. It's also less clutter, and a cleaner environment makes my spirit feel lighter.

I played in the kitchen and assembled a quick and delicious lunch by just playing with the foods I had on hand. It made me feel creative even if it wasn't real cooking. (Place a couple of tablespoons of pizza sauce on Italian herb FlatOut bread, cover with baby spinach, jarred roasted red peppers and mushrooms and one and half ounces of muenster cheese. Roll up and pop under the broiler for a minute or two or nuke it until the cheese is melty.) It helped beat a craving for pizza. Using muenster instead of mozzarella gave it a different taste, feeding my need for variety. It provided two of my five daily servings of vegetables and only had five points for a very filling meal.

I've been working with hand weights and an exercise ball and my routine is getting easier. I think it's time to add another set of repetitions to the routine. I can feel and see more definition in my upper arms, though the triceps need a whole lot more work if I'm going to get rid of the underarm swing. I measured this week and, I've lost a quarter inch off my upper arm in the last three weeks, 2 and a quarter inches off my waist, half an inch off my hips, a half inch from my thigh, and a half inch from my bust. That's four inches off my body in three weeks.

My biggest feedback this week though was still my loss. Diligence (and being back on blood pressure and diuretic prescriptions) paid off. I lost 6.2 pounds this week, more than making up for my gain from last week. It's good to know I can slip up and rebound, that a few indulgent days of eating doesn't mean that I have to eat that way all the time. I may be looking for ways to keep my motivation up, but that's just another way I can exercise my creativity. And to quote every one's favorite Martha, that's a good thing.

Weekly summary: Weekly change, Lost 6. 2 pounds, Total weight loss, 67.6 pounds, Average weekly weight loss, 1.77 pounds.

health and wellness, diets, weight loss, Weight Watchers