Tuesday, May 29, 2007

Rambling mind

This winter, the compressor died on my central heat and air unit. I haven't been able to replace it yet, and it's been an interesting way to reconnect with an older, simpler way of life. I can't really say that I like it. Last night at nine p.m., glazed in a light sweat when it was still over 80 degrees, I would have loved to have had some ozone emitting air conditioning blasting through my house. Missing the softness of the air this morning would have been a real loss though. Hearing the dawn song of the birds was been a sheer gift. So was the sweet smell of the air before morning traffic hit.

I've always been heat and sun sensitive, risky traits for a Southerner. I can feel that changing somewhat as my body has adjusted to not having a thermostat control every minute of my day. I know this is connected to my weight loss. My body is less insulated and operating more efficiently. Being relatively comfortable in temperatures over 80 feels like a new experience.

I didn't anticipate this change. I've never been one to just jump into doing something. I think about the consequences of my actions. That doesn't always mean that I'm on target about what they'll actually be, but I try to think things through and determine if what can happen with an action is what I want and will accept. With my weight loss, I knew I'd feel more energetic and stronger. I knew that my shape and size would change. I knew I might get more attention because of that. I knew that some people would cheer me on, and others wouldn't feel comfortable with my changes and would try to sabotage my efforts. I knew that I'd have to become more assertive about social occasions and food. I knew that I had to accept that I might fail on a really big scale and there would be emotional risk to my self-image and self-esteem with that. I prepared myself for these things, and I've been delighted to have surprises as well.

I didn't expect to age quite as fast as I have, and suddenly my views on plastic surgery seem to be changing. I didn't expect to become a "Joiner." I actively participate and enjoy my weekly Weight Watchers meetings. I didn't expect people to start flirting with me, at least not this soon. I really didn't expect to become a more positive person, but I have. I wanted something. I'm working for it, and I'm achieving it. It feels like a long time since that has worked for me the way it's supposed to. A lot of what I've done over the last few years has been a lot of work for very little results. It's made me rethink what is worthy of my time and energy and made me value both more highly.

I guess that could translate to my spirit working more efficiently as my body is as well. Another unexpected change.

attitudes, changes, weight loss

2 Comments:

Blogger emmapeelDallas said...

I like this a lot. It's...inspiring, and just when I can use some inspiration.

Thank you.

J

May 29, 2007 11:40 PM  
Blogger Cynnie said...

I could use some inspiring myself..

thanks favorite Southern Cyn

May 30, 2007 8:53 PM  

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