The weekly weigh in, week 28

this was another week of doing the diet solo without group support. I knew that I had to be extra careful and took precautions to follow the Weight Watchers plan as closely as I could. I drank my water. I ate my vegetables. I even made sure to get in my two teaspoons of oil every day. I also rewarded myself last night with some Ben & Jerry's Cherry Garcia. One of those little pint containers is actually four servings, and for once, I actually managed to eat just one scoop instead of the whole pint.

Unless I feel up to battling red tape, I may be going alone on this diet journey, and I have to accept that. Right now, the bureaucracy battle feels like too much. I've got far too many urgent fires burning already. I just know that I want to continue losing weight. It's struck me recently that I didn't even realize how bad I felt with all the now departed pounds on me because I'd gotten so used to feeling bad. I can only imagine the differences the future holds, and I'm holding onto that hope like a life preserver.

Honestly, my weight loss is the most positive thing in my life now. Food, weight, body image and perfectionism combined to form my family's dysfunction, and I don't remember a time in my life when my weight wasn't seen as my fatal flaw. With excess poundage from a very early age, I was deemed inferior at best and hopeless at worst, and I bought into that destructive mind set completely. Excess weight gave control over my life to other people. Fat was such a bad, morally reprehensible thing that part of me felt that I deserved the insults, the second rate service, and the fewer opportunities. I accepted this as my lot in life because there was no denying I was fat. You can camouflage other weaknesses or paint them as virtues (greed is good, anybody?), but fat, you just can't hide.

Well, I'm still fat, and realistically, despite how well I do each day on my diet, I will be fat for some time to come. However, I no longer feel like I'm out of control, and I'm literally seeing and feeling how I can make my life better. If I can do this with my weight, I can do it with my job, my relationships, and with all aspects of my life. I can also expect making these other changes to be as challenging, frustrating and rewarding as my weight loss.

This week, when I stepped on the scales, they registered a 4.7 pound loss. This more than off set my gain from the previous week and has me at my lowest weight in 15 years. I definitely have something to feel good about this week.

Weekly summary: This week's loss -- 4.7 pounds. Total loss -- 55.4 pounds. Average weekly weight loss -- 1.97 pounds.

health and wellness, diets, weight loss, Weight Watchers