Monday, February 26, 2007

Hooky

i really ought to feel guilty, but somehow I just can't muster up that feeling. I know it will come crashing down on me later, but right now, my self-indulgence feels right and necessary.

You see, I've just shirked off work today, both professional and home. I'm in day 7 of a migraine, and I'm tired of fighting it. I'm surrendering to the auras. I'm surrendering to the nausea. I'm surrendering to the pressure that should have popped my right eye out of my skull by now. I'm surrendering to hearing the constant rush of blood in my head, a high pitched, tinny cresting and ebbing wave, much like cicadas in the distance. I'm surrendering to soothing darkness. I'm surrendering to the whispers that feel like screams, and yes, I'm surrendering with deep gratitude to newly prescribed medication. I've been brave long enough, and I just want to whimper, pout and moan.

I just know that I've got to get a better grip on either my time or my guilt. I'm not getting enough done, and I'm not getting enough good for me rest, despite how idle I feel. Both need changing, but today, I don't feel up to the challenge of figuring out how to do either better. It seems the one thing I can see clearly today is that has to be a priority.

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6 Comments:

Blogger Theresa Williams said...

Cynthia, since when is resting due to a migraine something to feel guilty about? Now, if you were out screaming into a kereoke machine it might be different! BTW, how about that Al Gore on the Oscars last night? Cooool.

February 26, 2007 3:17 PM  
Blogger Paul said...

You have enough guilt for both of us. I like the arrangement.

February 26, 2007 3:52 PM  
Blogger gigi said...

I think you have enough guilt for all three of us. Take the day off. :)

February 26, 2007 5:43 PM  
Blogger more cows than people said...

oh dear... no guilt required, why are we so good at guilt when the rest of the world would give in on day three or even one of a migraine? i know the struggle. may the medicine work. may the rest sink deep into your bones. may you give yourself grace. (((cyn)))

February 26, 2007 8:27 PM  
Blogger Magdalene6127 said...

Aw, shoot, (((Cynthia)))-- you not only deserve a lie-down, you deserve a medal for going a week with a migraine. Please, no computer, no light, just dark, quiet, and whatever your health care provider has prescribed...

Mags

February 26, 2007 9:37 PM  
Blogger Beth said...

Sorry about the migrains. I have them, too, but only when stress triggers it.

February 28, 2007 9:32 AM  

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