Monday, November 06, 2006

Happy Dancing

Getting ready for my shower last night, I slipped my jeans off without unzipping! These are the same ones that used to be too tight in the waist, but I made do because the legs fit well. Those pants legs are baggy now. Discovering this sent me back to my closet. I had to find out what might fit now that I hadn't been able to wear in a long time.

I've got a pile of clothing to get rid of because it's gotten too big. I want it out of my closet and out of my life as a symbolic gesture that I won't be going back. No larger clothing means one less avenue of escape from sticking with this. If it can't be altered to fit, it's gone, and I'm not going to wear clothes that hang on me like potato sacks. Hey, I'm getting a double benefit of a cleaner closet and a healthier body. I don't want to buy new clothes for awhile though. That's just a little piece of common sense. Hell, even if I just lose one quarter of the weight I need to lose, that's still a heck of a lot sizes.

After making the changes in my closet, I explored the changes in my body. That pesky double chin is indeed smaller, but there's a visible softness in my throat that I hadn't seen before. It's there in my upper arms as well. My stomach, oh my scarred and saggy stomach! The permanent zipper left by a Caesarean section, while lacking aesthetic appeal, was a tangible badge of honor to me, but I don't like my stomach looking more like a butt now as it has two gentle bottom curves instead of one. My skin has indeed lost some of its resiliency, and I need to start addressing this right now if I don't want to want the years to catch up with me much faster than they inevitably will. I've been lucky. As a teenager I looked like an adult woman, and as an adult, I've always looked a few years younger than my actual age. I've enjoyed that. Mentally I see nothing wrong with looking one's real age, but I don't know if my emotions will accept seeing the transition happen in months rather than years. Moisturizer and multi-vitamins, here I come.

I know that it is indeed time to ramp up the exercise program, and I actually feel able to do so now. Two months ago, I was in actual pain at the end of a work day just from carrying the load of my own being around. As my knee surgeon told me, for every pound of weight on a person, there are five pounds of pressure on the knee and ankle joints with every step. My 25 pound loss means that my body is under 125 pounds less physical pressure. It's no wonder I'm hurting less and feeling less fatigued.

Awhile ago, I realized how many intangible changes had taken place in my life, but I knew that I still felt stuck. I couldn't see them. The mental, emotional, spiritual and physical worlds are all mirrors of each other. A change in one will cause a change in the others. I'd neglected that, and now that I'm beginning to make the physical changes to catch up with the others, I am truly feeling stronger, more whole and more able to give myself credit for all of the other changes as well.

2 Comments:

Blogger Lisa :-] said...

I have to warn you...there IS one thing about losing weight this late in life. If you think your body is going to go back to looking like you at your slimmest younger you, forget it. Skin will sag and where the fat was will hang empty for awhile. It will recede somewhat, but it just won't go back to smooth, taut, and "twenty years ago" without outside intervention (surgery.) I have settled for looking better in smaller-sized clothes.

November 06, 2006 3:47 PM  
Blogger Vicky said...

Yea, Cynthia! Congratulations on the weight loss. Enjoy the benefits, as I am. Isn't life grand? As for the extra skin, well, yes, it's a problem, but one I would rather have, yes?

November 06, 2006 10:30 PM  

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