Sunday, June 04, 2006

Conundrum

I've been stewing all weekend in anger and frustration, and I simply can't stand it any longer. It's too damn hard to watch people self-destruct. It hurts. I've done both the watching and the destroying too many times before. Both positions are miserable. Now, I know that I have to make the tough decision to either walk away from a formerly close friendship that has practically shut me out or stick with it and see if I can actually help. This is made tougher because though actions speak otherwise, my friend's words mean that I and our relationship still have value. I know just how cheap words can be, but I know the value this person places on the truth.

Loyalty and perseverance are among my strengths. One of my weaknesses is not knowing when to call it quits. I've lost friendships to distance and time. That's the way life goes. Once I've passed a certain point of intimacy in a friendship though, I've never just up and chosen to say sayonara, you're not worth the trouble.

I'm feel like I'm being used, and I'm tired of it. I'm tired of always helping but feeling like my friend is doing nothing to help himself. I'm tired of broken promises. I'm tired of the lack of personal responsibility my friend is showing. It hurts to see how his actions are affecting his family and other friends. I'm afraid if I stop helping my friend, his family, who's already been hurt enough, will suffer more. I'm tired of the blank look on his face when he asks to talk to me about everything that's going on and then won't say anything.

Addicts usually have to hit a bottom before they can give up their booze, their pills, their needles, their smokes. I know none of those is a factor with my friend, but I'm wondering if people can become addicted to emotions, and if they have to hit a bottom to break free of that grasp as well. I'm wondering if I can really do "tough love." I'm wondering if I'll be able to come back later if I walk away now.

I think life would be easier if I were cold hearted, but my thermostat is already set.

9 Comments:

Blogger Lisa :-] said...

I was going to say that some people are beyond help, but what I really mean to say is that some people put themselves in a place where they cannot be helped. Somewhere in that tempest, there is a place for a friend to just...be. You can't help, but you don't walk away. Mind you, I have never been able to find that place. But I'm sure it exists. It must.

June 05, 2006 1:14 AM  
Blogger Celeste said...

Sometimes for that person's sake (and yours) you have to walk away. The rck bottom thing is where it sounds like this person needs to go. Yes it may hurt other people on the way down. Some people are so dependent on others helping that they never help themselves. It is possible that this is this person problem.
Good luck hun.

June 05, 2006 7:02 AM  
Blogger Paul said...

Wow...I'm writing about the same kind of stuff right now, although my story is in the past.

June 05, 2006 3:44 PM  
Blogger Judith HeartSong said...

very tough choices to make. Sometimes we can only save ourselves, no matter how much we want to help someone else. judi

June 05, 2006 6:32 PM  
Blogger Shelina said...

Not knowing anything about your friend, I wonder if he has depression. It does make one lethargic and unable to help themselves. Sometimes they irritate people and push them away. The fact that your friend is asking for your company (and your companionship and strength) is a very good sign. Maybe you can suggest that he get some outside help.

June 06, 2006 9:14 PM  
Blogger Vicky said...

Oh, Cynthia - how very hard for you. Only you can really make this decision. Remember that friendships can be cyclical, and this may be a down phase that is ready to turn, but on the other hand, this cycle may just be too stuck in the mud. You have my sympathy. Do know that whatever decision you make, it will not be made lightly, and that you are a very caring person. Your decision cannot change that.

Love, V

June 06, 2006 10:13 PM  
Blogger sunflowerkat119 said...

It would be much easier to go through life with a cold heart...but a lot more lonely too.

June 09, 2006 10:03 PM  
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