And then I did...
This was a long, wearing and wonderful day. It started with some wonderful reading from Gannet Girl, and then we actually talked on the telephone!
I needed that boost because everyone in my office is stressed out, and my empathy seems to be stuck in high gear. I only had to be in the office for a very short while today, but everyone's tension added to my own, and I found myself teetering on the edge of a panic attack. I was able to stave it off, but when some time passes between the bad spells, I tend to forget just how horrible they really are.
Having to go to court today for a traffic ticket didn't add too much to my day. Somehow I hadn't noticed that my car tags had expired five months ago. So much for my attention to details. I was excused since I went and bought my tags the day after getting the ticket, but this was still two hours out of my life. I was stunned by how many people had received citations for no child restraints while driving, pleased as punch that people who parked in handicapped spaces were frequently ticketed and tickled by the woman who swore she'd never had a speeding ticket until she had to drive through our town to get to work. This was her fourth in the last year. I loved it that not only did the minors all get assigned to traffic school even if they had their ticket excused, but they all had to write a five hundred word essay on the effect of a speeding ticket on insurance to include the price increase of the premium, how long and why it would affect their insurance. Our city judge is a wonderful man with a good heart and tremendous affection for kids, but he looks as distinguished and intimidating as an eagle hunting for an overdue meal. If I had been a teenager in his court, I would have been terrified.
After work, the womanchild wanted to go buy a dress she had seen in Hot Topic. Now other than a formal dress, this is the first dress the kid has wanted in three years, and the old fashioned part of me was thrilled. My cute daughter in a dress! Despite coming from Hot Topic, it's a sweet dress, black with white trim on the bodice and waist with an exaggerated a-line skirt underlined with sheer mesh at the hemline and sleeves. It was displayed in the store with lace up boots with a four inch platform and heels, and big chunky jewelry. With more conservative accessories (read: my mother's pearls), she looks like a slightly edgy China doll instead of a walking advertisement for sarcasm. That waits until she starts talking, and even then, she can pull it off with a decent amount of charm.
From there, it was off to the hospital. My mother-in-law had a knee replacement on Monday, and today was the first day her medication has allowed her some lucidity. Despite having four bags of stuff dripping into two IVs, she's doing well and will probably go to the rehab wing tomorrow or Friday.
From there to church, a much needed respite in a busy day where I was reminded that our Creator loves genuine laughter as well as reverence in worship. Our discussion was focused on Paul, Corinthians and marriage. With a Southern Baptist upbringing, female submission was practically drilled into my head as soon as I was able to figure out there were girls and boys, and somehow we were different. Tonight, it was such a pleasure to hear the other side of a Pauline take on a man's responsibility in a marriage with a strong emphasis on the general stupidity of husbands. This came from a very male and very conservative retired preacher who is one of our lay leaders. Our Wednesday night group is small and intimate and includes a couple who are getting married in a few weeks. They're both mature (I just can't call her middle aged. She's too much younger than me.), very much in love, and it was good to feel freshness and anticipation associated with marriage. It hit me today that my 20th anniversary is just next week. 20 years -- no matter how I look at it, that's a long time. Sometimes I can't believe that we've been married that long. It doesn't feel like 20 years could have passed this quickly. Sometimes, it seems like we've accomplished so little in consideration of the time invested. Sometimes, it just feels like a bloody miracle we've made it this long.
This entry reads like it should have started with Dear Diary, but it's too late for me to care. Daily life may be routine and humdrum, but if you look at it in the right way, it's still a marvel. I'm going to head off to bed holding that touch of awe.
I needed that boost because everyone in my office is stressed out, and my empathy seems to be stuck in high gear. I only had to be in the office for a very short while today, but everyone's tension added to my own, and I found myself teetering on the edge of a panic attack. I was able to stave it off, but when some time passes between the bad spells, I tend to forget just how horrible they really are.
Having to go to court today for a traffic ticket didn't add too much to my day. Somehow I hadn't noticed that my car tags had expired five months ago. So much for my attention to details. I was excused since I went and bought my tags the day after getting the ticket, but this was still two hours out of my life. I was stunned by how many people had received citations for no child restraints while driving, pleased as punch that people who parked in handicapped spaces were frequently ticketed and tickled by the woman who swore she'd never had a speeding ticket until she had to drive through our town to get to work. This was her fourth in the last year. I loved it that not only did the minors all get assigned to traffic school even if they had their ticket excused, but they all had to write a five hundred word essay on the effect of a speeding ticket on insurance to include the price increase of the premium, how long and why it would affect their insurance. Our city judge is a wonderful man with a good heart and tremendous affection for kids, but he looks as distinguished and intimidating as an eagle hunting for an overdue meal. If I had been a teenager in his court, I would have been terrified.
After work, the womanchild wanted to go buy a dress she had seen in Hot Topic. Now other than a formal dress, this is the first dress the kid has wanted in three years, and the old fashioned part of me was thrilled. My cute daughter in a dress! Despite coming from Hot Topic, it's a sweet dress, black with white trim on the bodice and waist with an exaggerated a-line skirt underlined with sheer mesh at the hemline and sleeves. It was displayed in the store with lace up boots with a four inch platform and heels, and big chunky jewelry. With more conservative accessories (read: my mother's pearls), she looks like a slightly edgy China doll instead of a walking advertisement for sarcasm. That waits until she starts talking, and even then, she can pull it off with a decent amount of charm.
From there, it was off to the hospital. My mother-in-law had a knee replacement on Monday, and today was the first day her medication has allowed her some lucidity. Despite having four bags of stuff dripping into two IVs, she's doing well and will probably go to the rehab wing tomorrow or Friday.
From there to church, a much needed respite in a busy day where I was reminded that our Creator loves genuine laughter as well as reverence in worship. Our discussion was focused on Paul, Corinthians and marriage. With a Southern Baptist upbringing, female submission was practically drilled into my head as soon as I was able to figure out there were girls and boys, and somehow we were different. Tonight, it was such a pleasure to hear the other side of a Pauline take on a man's responsibility in a marriage with a strong emphasis on the general stupidity of husbands. This came from a very male and very conservative retired preacher who is one of our lay leaders. Our Wednesday night group is small and intimate and includes a couple who are getting married in a few weeks. They're both mature (I just can't call her middle aged. She's too much younger than me.), very much in love, and it was good to feel freshness and anticipation associated with marriage. It hit me today that my 20th anniversary is just next week. 20 years -- no matter how I look at it, that's a long time. Sometimes I can't believe that we've been married that long. It doesn't feel like 20 years could have passed this quickly. Sometimes, it seems like we've accomplished so little in consideration of the time invested. Sometimes, it just feels like a bloody miracle we've made it this long.
This entry reads like it should have started with Dear Diary, but it's too late for me to care. Daily life may be routine and humdrum, but if you look at it in the right way, it's still a marvel. I'm going to head off to bed holding that touch of awe.
posted by Cynthia at
12:55 AM
3 Comments:
I tried to comment earlier, but blogger wouldn't let me.
People-watching at traffic court. Looked like maybe it wasn't such a waste of time, anyway.
And the woman-child's dress sounds adorable. (I suppose she'd hate that word...)
Beautiful entry, Cynthia. Your writing is so lovely that it usually leaves me at a loss for words.
I would have loved to have given birth to a woman child, but since I did not, I shall just enjoy the shopping expeditions vicariously through you!
Panic attacks suck. I'm glad you warded that one off.
I think the repression and submission of women through certain Christian churches has done a great deal of harm to God-fearing women in general. I'm glad the elder had the balls to speak up!
I love that ~ the edgy China doll from Hot Topic in your mother's pearls ~ and you think you've accomplished so little?
I just celebrated my 20th (excuse me ~ we just celebrated our 20th ~ see? I still haven't got the hang of this whole 'married' thing!)
It is indeed a happy and wonderous anniversary! :)
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