Friday, January 13, 2006

Writer's block

Lately my desire to write has been at the burning level, but my inspiration has been practically non-existent. Sitting down either at the keyboard or with pen in hand feels like work. I've been harshly and pretty deservedly critical of my work. I've got one thing going for me though. I'm still writing every day, whether it's a rambling entry in my private, off line journal, something for the blog, the pages I've written and tossed for the book or some lines that I think will develop into a couple of poems. It's been boring, frustrating drudgery that I know would make me question my ability to write at all if I weren't back on the anti-depressants.

It's also a necessary discipline that will help eventually re-open the creative flow. I think that the first rule of being a writer is that one actually writes. You don't just think or daydream about writing, you actually put words on the page. This is part of actually living my priorities, and I know better than to think that it's always going to be easy.

Writing is a tremendous pleasure in my life. When things are going well, time stops and all is well in the world. The only problem when the writing is going well is that sometime I must emerge from my messy little cocoon of an office and tend to the practicalities of living. There's a big disconnect there, and I think that might be one of the problems that I'm having. I'm still incorporating the idea of myself as writer into my overall sense of identity. I put it away for so long, and now I have to realize that whether I'm washing dishes, collecting documents for work or actually in front of the empty page, I am a writer and need to look at the world through a writer's eyes.

Even though I've been pretty dedicated to it for a few years now, writing still feels like it should be a dream. Fiction and poetry are more important to me than the advertising, PR and grants that I wrote for pay while doing other jobs as well. Now that I'm not earning any of my keep with my writing doesn't make it less important. My stories, my poems, this damn book that just won't leave me alone, are as real and truly more significant than anything I wrote for money, even if to no one else but myself. This is one way that I'm stepping over the line of good behavior. I was taught to value practicality, particularly for the common good, over personal desires.

Realigning yourself with who you are is as frustrating and rewarding as finally getting through writer's block. I know that both will come.


Blogger Lisa :-] said...

Why is it that those of us with an artistic talent, think of indugling that talent as "impractical" and not "for the common good." We are meant to use our talents, even if they don't bring home the bacon.

January 14, 2006 2:22 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Okay, C, I was going to quote and comment on several things here, but as I read through to the end I decided the only comment I need to make, about all of it is:
YES!!! Like, uh-HUH!!

(Sentence #2 put me in the mind of my entry "Sometimes Writing Is Boring"--go back and re-read:

January 14, 2006 10:06 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Just wanted to add that I believe 'Inspiration' is one of the Great Myths of the writing life. (So is writer's block.) If full-time, professional writers--the folks making their living from it--were to sit around waiting for Inspiration, they wouldn't eat. (Same for writer's block--they can't afford the concept. If you don't write, you don't eat.)

Full time writers know that you don't wait for Inspiration to lead you to writing. You let the WRITING lead you to inspiration...

Much love, hon. You are truly on the right track...and yes, the anti-depressants are a big help!

January 14, 2006 11:32 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Shoot. That was me.

January 14, 2006 11:34 AM  
Blogger alphawoman said...

I have it too around this time every year that I have started writing on line!! I think it has something to do with body rhythms, the short days and lack of sunlight. I want to hibernate and do sleep much more in winter than any other time of year! Last year I snapped out of it by plunging into my Addicted to Love series. this year, I find I am forcing myself to just ramble about anything. Your writing continues to be touching and thoughtful.

January 15, 2006 7:47 AM  
Blogger Theresa Williams said...

Your creative life is part of a very human, and very necessary, instinct. It is perhaps even MORE important than what most people deep "reality." I do understand where you are coming from because I have been there. But, Cynthia, you have been standing at this threshold for years. You really need to step through the door and be the writer you are meant to be. About the block: art feeds off art. Try doing a collage. The very act of cutting images from magazines is mesmerizing and will help your mind to get back to that wild place, where your art comes from.

January 15, 2006 2:56 PM  
Blogger Theresa Williams said...

"deem" not "deep"--I hate it that I create typo's all the time!

My love to you, Cynthia.

January 15, 2006 2:58 PM  
Blogger FDF said...

Avoid alcohol while taking xanax. Alcohol may increase drowsiness and dizziness caused by xanax.

January 28, 2006 7:20 AM  
Blogger FDF said...

What other drugs will affect Ultram? � Do not take ketoconazole (Nizoral) or itraconazole (Sporanox) during treatment with Ultram without first talking to your doctor.

January 29, 2006 9:47 PM  

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