Sunday, January 15, 2006

Perchance to dream

Sleep is precious to me. Having the double whammy of insomnia and sleep apnea, there are times when it feels as rare and precious as diamonds. That's why nights like tonight are so irritating. I fell asleep on the couch in the middle of a movie that had ceased to interest me and wake just a couple of hours later. I have the sense of having dreamed, but those delicious and sometimes horrific night visions are just beyond my grasp. Some remembered dreams are amusements and can be easily dismissed. Some are messages to myself, and I know they're important. Dreams feed me, guide me and sometimes warn me, and my warning bells are going off.

The feeling that I'm missing something significant is what is now keeping me awake. The urge to grab this dream and break it down into little pieces feels urgent and compelling, yet nothing other than a field of tiny stars on a dark blue background is coming to my consciousness. My eyes are heavy lidded and burning. My muscles have that twitchiness that demands a good stretch immediately followed by sinking into the warmth and softness of my bed. Yet my mind won't let this go. A sensor has gone off, and it must be heeded. My hope is that trying to sleep again will recover the message I know I need to understand.


Blogger Wenda said...

I sometimes mourn those dream messages that get away without my conscious notice, but I imagine if they seep up to inform me, they will seep up again when they see that I didn't get the message.

January 15, 2006 3:15 AM  
Blogger Cris said...

good luck :)
i rarely remember dreams, and my sleep has been so fractured for the last many years that i wonder if i do dream very often.

January 15, 2006 9:10 AM  
Blogger beths front porch said...

I can so relate to your recent entries on writing and dreaming, Cynthia. There was a wonderful comment by the writer Joan Didion in her book "The Year of Magical Thinking" about how she has to either write about something or dream about it to understand it. I felt like I'd met a kindred spirit.

By the way, thank you so much for your wonderful comments on my blog. I love having you visit! and I so enjoy your entries. --Beth

January 15, 2006 9:29 AM  
Blogger Nelle said...

The same thing happens to me. I only sleep for small bouts of time and sometimes I awake remembering a bit of a dream but cannot grasp the entire thing. It frustrates me, especially when it's a recurring theme.

January 15, 2006 1:01 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

C, I want to email you about this but my last email to you was returned--is aol having problems? Everything I've been emailing Theresa, and Beth now, too, has been coming back...! Hon, you've GOT to read Memories, Dreams, and Reflections, and you've got to start a dream journal. Make yourself receptive to the dreams, but don't bully them into coming back to you--that'll chase them away. Welcome them, and write about them as much as you can. Even if you can't remember the images, write about the feelings they evoked, the emotion(s) you were left with. Sometimes this will lead you to an entrance back into the dream. This is a skill that you CAN improve on and even perfect. Please read Jung, and please email to let me know if you ever got Angus and also please read Christina's entry if you haven't yet--that was the other email I just sent you, asking you to read her "homework" entry.
You are so awesome and in such an awesome stage of your creative life right now. Everything is teetering on the edge.

January 15, 2006 6:59 PM  
Blogger Gannet Girl said...

I have been having the most amazingly detailed and vivid dreams, and I can't rememebr a thing about any of them for more than maybe three seconds after I wake up. It's been going on for about 10 days -- bizarre. Feels like I have an entirely other life going on that I know is there but can't access.

January 18, 2006 7:30 AM  

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