What causes a sea change?

The last couple of days have presented a serious challenge for my family. Without going into great detail, we have been publicly betrayed and embarrassed by someone who apparently knows us well but hides behind a cloak of anonymity. I know that's vague enough to not make much sense, but it's not the main point.

I'm a person who has always placed too high a value on what other people have thought of me. As I have worked to both better how I think of myself and how highly I value my own opinion, I have worked on releasing my concern for other's opinions of me while maintaining trust in and caring for people. It's a fairly tricky balancing act.

I've finally fallen off the tightrope, and as with any fall from great heights, there has been breakage. Tonight, I am filled with rage, not a burning anger, but an arctic coldness. Instead of wanting to treat others as I would like to be treated, I'm wanting to treat others without regard for their consequences -- as I have been treated.

This is far removed from forgiving seventy times seven. That used to inspire me and now looks silly and naive. I feel like I've been infected by some toxin that changes one's very chemistry.

Langston Hughes wrote:

What happens to a dream deferred?

Does it dry up
like a raisin in the sun?
Or fester like a sore--
and then run?
Does it stink like rotten meat?
Or crust and sugar over--
like a syrupy sweet?

Maybe it just sags
like a heavy load.

Or does it explode?

I know that it festers and runs, and can infect others. It definitely stinks. I know that this is one load I will no longer carry, and part of me would like to see fireworks set against a frozen sky.