It's been a day

The husband just pulled out of the driveway with his truck loaded up. For the first time in 26 years, I honestly don't know when I'll see him again. For the last thirteen months, he's been just three miles away. We've spoken nearly daily, seen each other several times a week. His last words to me were, "I love you."

I believe him, and I still love him, just not the way a wife needs to love her husband. I know that continuing on as we have isn't good for either of us. I have friends in this multi-county, but I also feel like I just lost the only friend I have here in this town, and I'm feeling very alone. I just know that tonight is the end of ... something.

That could be a good thing, but right now, I need to feel this hurt. As is her style, the womanchild has pulled far, far away right now. I know she's dealing with something besides this as well, and the maternal urge to pull her close is strong, but I know she'd fight and resent it, and I need to respect the way she handles her feelings. We can be so much alike and so very different. Well, being a mother is just another one of those things that just isn't easy. Right now, I'm really wishing for just one thing in my life to get easy.

To make this day even brighter, I found out that I didn't get a job I wanted.

I'm feeling the losses, the mistakes and the failures. I know that they're not the only things in my life, but they're very present tonight. I know that I just need to buck up, square my shoulders, deal with things as they are and move forward, but not tonight. Tonight, I will mourn.

marriage, separation