Friday, March 23, 2012
Getting a gift first thing in the morning is better than that first cup of coffee.
This has not been a good week. Sunday was great, and since then it has just spiraled downward. For the second time in three weeks, I fell and landed on my bad knee. Besides that, I've felt like I've been caught in some energy sucking vortex. I've felt weak and tired for days, and my appearance has reflected it. Worse, I've felt a sense of foreboding, as if trouble is coming. I'm actively trying not to worry, and I'm having greater success with that than I used to, but it takes emotional work that is also an energy drain.In short, I was perfectly primed for something good to happen.
I live in a smoke-free condo complex. This has meant two things. I smoke about a third of what I used to, and when I do smoke, it's outdoors. This morning, I headed out to a glorious spring morning with a cigarette in hand and a brain full of morning fuzz. Waiting for the nicotine to kick in, I was thinking of some of the stresses I've handled lately. These have primarily been providing emotional support to some people close to me after a tragic loss. With my empathetic nature, this has taken an emotional toll on me. I've been willing to pay the price, but that doesn't mean I've enjoyed it.
This morning I was thinking of all the times I've had to work with difficult people. I'm good at that. In my recruiting days, my co-workers called it my specialty. I won't say that I'm good with people in difficult situations, but I don't run away from the difficult times. From having been in so many of those myself, I know that counts for something.
I realized today the source of those gifts was my mother. If she and I had not had a difficult relationship, I would never have spent so much time trying to figure out how she worked, and then how other people worked. A childhood spent walking on eggshells made me sensitive to other people's emotional signs and signals. I really like this part of me. I'm proud of it, and today, I felt very grateful to my mother for helping to make me the person I am. I feel a little further along in the journey of coming to peace with her, and I can better appreciate the things about her I already thought were wonderful. It feels really good to think of her with nothing but gratitude, thankfulness and love.
No matter what else happens today, this morning will count as a really good day..