Hearing it for the first time again

I heard an old song tonight, one I hadn't heard in a long, long time. It came from my early teen years when I was into camping, could actually do some real hiking and had to be dragged indoors. I didn't give a hoot about how I looked, was more comfortable in flannel shirts and my Clark Wallabees than I was in dresses and heels. Well, I'm still not comfortable in heels and will never understand how that's possible for anyone. Anyway, it made me wonder how I changed from my childhood prissiness to that outdoorsy wild child to post-modern southern belle to the walking paradox I am in my middle years.

Then it hit me. When I was younger, I had to do things sequentially. With a little more maturity, I can incorporate it all simultaneously without my head exploding. My character has grown large enough to handle what doesn't seem to fit as well what looks normal. The paradoxes and contradictions give me that deep laugh that lasts long enough for the womanchild to describe as a little scary. (I may be the only one in on the joke, but it's a damn good one, and I will laugh.) It's also good to be a little scary. People aren't afraid of the powerless things in this world.

The song I heard was Michael Murphy's Carolina in the Pines. I loved that song way back when, and I love it now. When I was younger, it was the romantic part that I loved, but a different part of the lyrics jumped out at me tonight.

There's a new moon on the fourteenth
First quarter twenty-first
And a full moon in the last week
Brings a fullness to the earth.
There's no guess work in the clockwork
Of the world's heart or mine
There are nights I only feel right
With Carolina in the pines.

I'm adding this to the list of signals that seem to be accumulating about this part of my life.

song lyrics, aging